I rewatched one of my favorite TED talks the other day with my brother, the one with Performance Poet Sarah Kay. It's amazing, no matter how many times I've watched it...it still fills me with inspirations galore and a bottom eyelid full of tears I don't want to shed in front of people.
So, I thought I'd write down 3 things I know to be true. Just like she did.
1. I panic before the event that's got me worried even happens. I panic a lot.
2. I have a great deal of love bottled in my heart that has no where to go...and I don't know how to share it, so I give it to complete strangers in the form of anonymous letters.
3. Exercising the brain has always come naturally to me, exercising the body...has not.
There's a lot of changes going on...and all I can do to keep from exploding is doing the dishes.
I need to write more love letters...and paint it out. There's no one here anymore, but me.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
OMG, Dawg!
1. My good friend is preggers. WOWZA, man! I think I'm more excited then she is...so I did the rightful and only logical thing. I bought her a mini-metallic chicken at an antique store. It will go perfect on her desk. It's mini-Beyonce!
2. I put in my two weeks notice today with Champions. I'm quitting for a full-time Nanny position in the greater Seattle area. I'm so excited, and nervous. I'm still going to camp...and I'm just hoping that they'll let me come back. I'm pretty sure it won't be much of an issue. BUT YIKES! They offered me my position immediately at the tail-end of my interview today in between shifts with work. Side ways, back slashy smiley face, Delbie! Also, kinda decently sized panic attack this morning when the application wouldn't work online today prior to my interview. Poor, Mom. Sorry. You're about the only one who knows I can actually raise my voice above a Batman grumble. The rest of the world has no clue. Lucky world.
3. Working a PTA meeting tonight, and opening for another co-worker tomorrow morning. Holy Muffin Murderers...I don't wanna! But money! BUT DON'T WANNA...but $$$$!!!
4. I need a glass of wine...and a nap. Won't get home till 9pm, again. It's so not worth it for barely breaking 20 hours a week right now work-wise.
5. Wine? Waitor...??? Oh, right, I'm in a public library. Fuck this shit! WAITOR!
2. I put in my two weeks notice today with Champions. I'm quitting for a full-time Nanny position in the greater Seattle area. I'm so excited, and nervous. I'm still going to camp...and I'm just hoping that they'll let me come back. I'm pretty sure it won't be much of an issue. BUT YIKES! They offered me my position immediately at the tail-end of my interview today in between shifts with work. Side ways, back slashy smiley face, Delbie! Also, kinda decently sized panic attack this morning when the application wouldn't work online today prior to my interview. Poor, Mom. Sorry. You're about the only one who knows I can actually raise my voice above a Batman grumble. The rest of the world has no clue. Lucky world.
3. Working a PTA meeting tonight, and opening for another co-worker tomorrow morning. Holy Muffin Murderers...I don't wanna! But money! BUT DON'T WANNA...but $$$$!!!
4. I need a glass of wine...and a nap. Won't get home till 9pm, again. It's so not worth it for barely breaking 20 hours a week right now work-wise.
5. Wine? Waitor...??? Oh, right, I'm in a public library. Fuck this shit! WAITOR!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Funniest Thing That Won't Ever Happen to Me
Him: I smoked a huge amount of pot the other night, to celebrate my new job. Found out the next morning that i need a drug test by saturday, lol.
Me: Oh, fuck.
Him: So i've got an explanatory letter all set up.
Me: This shouldn't be silly...but...you're silly.
Him: and an idea that they're mostly concerned with narcotics and methemphetamines. I KNOW.
Me: That could work.
Him: It's damn ironic.
Me: Yes, yes it is.
Him: I'm not worried, but a little anxious.
Me: That shit should seriously become a play. I'm gonna blog about it, but not use your name.
I seriously have the weirdest friends.
Me: Oh, fuck.
Him: So i've got an explanatory letter all set up.
Me: This shouldn't be silly...but...you're silly.
Him: and an idea that they're mostly concerned with narcotics and methemphetamines. I KNOW.
Me: That could work.
Him: It's damn ironic.
Me: Yes, yes it is.
Him: I'm not worried, but a little anxious.
Me: That shit should seriously become a play. I'm gonna blog about it, but not use your name.
I seriously have the weirdest friends.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Wanted, Man...or Dude...or...You
After looking back on all my failed attempts and real/unreal relationships, I've come to the conclusion I've been going about this all wrong. If anything, here's what I'm looking for:
1. A guy. This I know for certain...no girls, swingers, open-bedders, or liars. I'm straight, but do in an artistic fashion think the female body is attractive. That is all.
2. A guy who's understanding is equal, and as just as mine. I'm quick to forgive, when it is deserved, I never forget, or hold grudges. Hate and holding onto pain from the past is just taking away momentum from the greatness that could be accomplished now, tomorrow and in the future. Love is powerful, and I will always initially love all people that I meet. No, not romantically...platonic, from the heart, love.
3. A guy who has goals. He must always seek improvement on the skills he already has, and be forever curiously seeking new talents. Taking the instruction given with a grain of salt is intelligent, and mixing the new with the already is wise. Condescending tones are not attractive...nor is it necessary EVER.
4. A guy who thinks honesty and the truth is always the best and logical course of action. I've been with guys who are out to spare my feelings, and have tried to protect themselves from my look of disappointment. You can't hide anything from me, and what goes around, truly does come around. Don't lie, I hate it.
5. A guy who surrounds himself with loving souls. I've been with guys who are out to save the world, even though it can't be saved...right away at least. If I wanted a caped crusader, I'd fall in love with fiction and fantasy, and end my search there. Leave the saving to the super heroes...and just be yourself 'round me. It's far more interesting then the comic books. Caring and helping friends in need is quite different, but biting off more than you can chew is a danger I have been guilty of in the past. Hanging out with "glass half empty" individuals will rub off on you, and I have learned that one the hard way as well. I love myself, and if you don't love yourself...there's no way in hell you can learn to love others. Tom, you taught me that one.
6. A guy above informal lines of communication. Internet chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging are all really good ways of painting a false image of yourself to others...especially if you excelled at any creative writing course in school, like I did. I'm guilty of relying on these forms of communication from time to time, especially when I'm too shy to get my point across, hence why I started writing letters to close friends. Reading my honest words on paper is so much more personal and is as close to a religion as I get.
7. A guy who has a college degree. Education is important to me, and ties in with the goal-oriented requirement.
8. A guy who's not judgmental. I was bullied quite a bit in school growing up...and that way of thinking just drives me insane. I know it's impossible not to have at least a small picture upon initial introductions...but I would ultimately prefer you see me as a forever changing human being than a statue.
9. A guy who never places people on a pedestal. I'm no God, demi-God, or deserving of any worship. I'm human, guilty of making mistakes, and have many faults here and there. So, DO NOT turn me into an Idol of any kind. It's what caused my only attempt at marriage to fail miserably. He worshiped me, saw me as someone who could work magic on his universe's composition...and therefor my voice/opinions/morals/goals/traits were always a disappointment. Amanda Palmer, thank you for your song, "Ampersand." I see now why it would have never worked between us. He could see our future long before I had even imagined it...or was even in his life. I could have been anyone...but instead, I wasn't myself when I was with him. I hope one day he realizes this. I still care for him dearly, as a friend, who hopes to one day be an actual friend.
10. A guy who's not violent. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but the pace in which I take my life is my own...and I should never be pressured to move at the speed you see fit. Pressure is a form of violence in my mind, call me crazy.
11. A guy who's willing to share. My ideas and artistic abilities are very important to me, and if you refuse to share your stories, opinions, and talents with those around you...why have people in your life at all? You're not the best, you're not going to be the best, even if someone hands you a medal saying, "you are the best."
12. A guy who's willing to take a risk, and forget the potential heart-aches. I would rather you were expectationless than looking too far into the could be's, what if's, or not worth it's. I'm here...always will be, and my toes are on the edge of a cliff ready to walk across that bridge. I don't wait, unless you tell me that's what you want me to do. In that case, I'd wait for a time...but not forever.
13. A guy who loves traveling.
14. A guy who's family (yes, friends count too) mean the world to him. I have a close relationship with both my immediate family and extended band of mischief seekers. We all have our problems, vises, and times of need...I'd hate to leave them stranded, because I know I would too.
15. A guy willing to see the plus side of everything. Even when you're hating life, you're job, you're financial situation, car...whatever it may be, there's a silver lining to that gray cloud. Things will get better, but you have to be willing to see it that way...or it will never get better, and no one will want to be around you.
16. A guy who's willing to admit he's wrong when he's wrong. No one likes a jackass. NO ONE!
I've run out of things I hope this future dude has...and not all of them are required in one being for him to come off as attractive.
Love you, whoever you are.
1. A guy. This I know for certain...no girls, swingers, open-bedders, or liars. I'm straight, but do in an artistic fashion think the female body is attractive. That is all.
2. A guy who's understanding is equal, and as just as mine. I'm quick to forgive, when it is deserved, I never forget, or hold grudges. Hate and holding onto pain from the past is just taking away momentum from the greatness that could be accomplished now, tomorrow and in the future. Love is powerful, and I will always initially love all people that I meet. No, not romantically...platonic, from the heart, love.
3. A guy who has goals. He must always seek improvement on the skills he already has, and be forever curiously seeking new talents. Taking the instruction given with a grain of salt is intelligent, and mixing the new with the already is wise. Condescending tones are not attractive...nor is it necessary EVER.
4. A guy who thinks honesty and the truth is always the best and logical course of action. I've been with guys who are out to spare my feelings, and have tried to protect themselves from my look of disappointment. You can't hide anything from me, and what goes around, truly does come around. Don't lie, I hate it.
5. A guy who surrounds himself with loving souls. I've been with guys who are out to save the world, even though it can't be saved...right away at least. If I wanted a caped crusader, I'd fall in love with fiction and fantasy, and end my search there. Leave the saving to the super heroes...and just be yourself 'round me. It's far more interesting then the comic books. Caring and helping friends in need is quite different, but biting off more than you can chew is a danger I have been guilty of in the past. Hanging out with "glass half empty" individuals will rub off on you, and I have learned that one the hard way as well. I love myself, and if you don't love yourself...there's no way in hell you can learn to love others. Tom, you taught me that one.
6. A guy above informal lines of communication. Internet chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging are all really good ways of painting a false image of yourself to others...especially if you excelled at any creative writing course in school, like I did. I'm guilty of relying on these forms of communication from time to time, especially when I'm too shy to get my point across, hence why I started writing letters to close friends. Reading my honest words on paper is so much more personal and is as close to a religion as I get.
7. A guy who has a college degree. Education is important to me, and ties in with the goal-oriented requirement.
8. A guy who's not judgmental. I was bullied quite a bit in school growing up...and that way of thinking just drives me insane. I know it's impossible not to have at least a small picture upon initial introductions...but I would ultimately prefer you see me as a forever changing human being than a statue.
9. A guy who never places people on a pedestal. I'm no God, demi-God, or deserving of any worship. I'm human, guilty of making mistakes, and have many faults here and there. So, DO NOT turn me into an Idol of any kind. It's what caused my only attempt at marriage to fail miserably. He worshiped me, saw me as someone who could work magic on his universe's composition...and therefor my voice/opinions/morals/goals/traits were always a disappointment. Amanda Palmer, thank you for your song, "Ampersand." I see now why it would have never worked between us. He could see our future long before I had even imagined it...or was even in his life. I could have been anyone...but instead, I wasn't myself when I was with him. I hope one day he realizes this. I still care for him dearly, as a friend, who hopes to one day be an actual friend.
10. A guy who's not violent. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but the pace in which I take my life is my own...and I should never be pressured to move at the speed you see fit. Pressure is a form of violence in my mind, call me crazy.
11. A guy who's willing to share. My ideas and artistic abilities are very important to me, and if you refuse to share your stories, opinions, and talents with those around you...why have people in your life at all? You're not the best, you're not going to be the best, even if someone hands you a medal saying, "you are the best."
12. A guy who's willing to take a risk, and forget the potential heart-aches. I would rather you were expectationless than looking too far into the could be's, what if's, or not worth it's. I'm here...always will be, and my toes are on the edge of a cliff ready to walk across that bridge. I don't wait, unless you tell me that's what you want me to do. In that case, I'd wait for a time...but not forever.
13. A guy who loves traveling.
14. A guy who's family (yes, friends count too) mean the world to him. I have a close relationship with both my immediate family and extended band of mischief seekers. We all have our problems, vises, and times of need...I'd hate to leave them stranded, because I know I would too.
15. A guy willing to see the plus side of everything. Even when you're hating life, you're job, you're financial situation, car...whatever it may be, there's a silver lining to that gray cloud. Things will get better, but you have to be willing to see it that way...or it will never get better, and no one will want to be around you.
16. A guy who's willing to admit he's wrong when he's wrong. No one likes a jackass. NO ONE!
I've run out of things I hope this future dude has...and not all of them are required in one being for him to come off as attractive.
Love you, whoever you are.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
That's the Spirits
Concerning my last bloggie post thing...I have two completely seperate ideas/shows just a bumbpin' around in the ole noggin.
1.) I don't know if this could actually be possible...especially when it comes to liquor laws and how bars opperate. I thought about finding a bar that could potentially need more funds and community involvement or publicity. Who doesn't, right? I'd find a group of Artists who just can't seem to buy anything for themselves...and ARE TIRED OF IT! I'm sure there's loads of 'em just waiting and eager. They'd prepare a small collection of pieces (paintings, sculpture, not too big of installations, etc.) with a common theme for the event itself, and people coming into the bar wouldn't trade cash for the pieces...but buy the Artist(s) drinks instead (or even bar food/both). The Artists would have to name their price in drinks though...and I guess it would just be a matter of who's willing to spend the bucks, and tip the Bartenders as usual. It could potentially be a music event as well. Maybe the Artists could chip in for an initial "help the musicicans out" chunk of change before the whole thing starts. It would make for a everyone's helping everyone out in some way kinda night. Which sounds appealing to me, as a struggling Artist myself. I would just have to research how something like that would work, or if it'd even be allowed. I'd call it, "That's the Spirits!" or "Can't Get No."
2.) I'd also like to organize a team of conspirators to help out with an art show/exhibition/festival thing through some school district. Unite all the art departments, get the community involved for some cause that appeals to them.
Overrall, I just want to give and put all this energy into something that means a lot to me.
Art! It fuels me daily.
1.) I don't know if this could actually be possible...especially when it comes to liquor laws and how bars opperate. I thought about finding a bar that could potentially need more funds and community involvement or publicity. Who doesn't, right? I'd find a group of Artists who just can't seem to buy anything for themselves...and ARE TIRED OF IT! I'm sure there's loads of 'em just waiting and eager. They'd prepare a small collection of pieces (paintings, sculpture, not too big of installations, etc.) with a common theme for the event itself, and people coming into the bar wouldn't trade cash for the pieces...but buy the Artist(s) drinks instead (or even bar food/both). The Artists would have to name their price in drinks though...and I guess it would just be a matter of who's willing to spend the bucks, and tip the Bartenders as usual. It could potentially be a music event as well. Maybe the Artists could chip in for an initial "help the musicicans out" chunk of change before the whole thing starts. It would make for a everyone's helping everyone out in some way kinda night. Which sounds appealing to me, as a struggling Artist myself. I would just have to research how something like that would work, or if it'd even be allowed. I'd call it, "That's the Spirits!" or "Can't Get No."
2.) I'd also like to organize a team of conspirators to help out with an art show/exhibition/festival thing through some school district. Unite all the art departments, get the community involved for some cause that appeals to them.
Overrall, I just want to give and put all this energy into something that means a lot to me.
Art! It fuels me daily.
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