After looking back on all my failed attempts and real/unreal relationships, I've come to the conclusion I've been going about this all wrong. If anything, here's what I'm looking for:
1. A guy. This I know for certain...no girls, swingers, open-bedders, or liars. I'm straight, but do in an artistic fashion think the female body is attractive. That is all.
2. A guy who's understanding is equal, and as just as mine. I'm quick to forgive, when it is deserved, I never forget, or hold grudges. Hate and holding onto pain from the past is just taking away momentum from the greatness that could be accomplished now, tomorrow and in the future. Love is powerful, and I will always initially love all people that I meet. No, not romantically...platonic, from the heart, love.
3. A guy who has goals. He must always seek improvement on the skills he already has, and be forever curiously seeking new talents. Taking the instruction given with a grain of salt is intelligent, and mixing the new with the already is wise. Condescending tones are not attractive...nor is it necessary EVER.
4. A guy who thinks honesty and the truth is always the best and logical course of action. I've been with guys who are out to spare my feelings, and have tried to protect themselves from my look of disappointment. You can't hide anything from me, and what goes around, truly does come around. Don't lie, I hate it.
5. A guy who surrounds himself with loving souls. I've been with guys who are out to save the world, even though it can't be saved...right away at least. If I wanted a caped crusader, I'd fall in love with fiction and fantasy, and end my search there. Leave the saving to the super heroes...and just be yourself 'round me. It's far more interesting then the comic books. Caring and helping friends in need is quite different, but biting off more than you can chew is a danger I have been guilty of in the past. Hanging out with "glass half empty" individuals will rub off on you, and I have learned that one the hard way as well. I love myself, and if you don't love yourself...there's no way in hell you can learn to love others. Tom, you taught me that one.
6. A guy above informal lines of communication. Internet chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging are all really good ways of painting a false image of yourself to others...especially if you excelled at any creative writing course in school, like I did. I'm guilty of relying on these forms of communication from time to time, especially when I'm too shy to get my point across, hence why I started writing letters to close friends. Reading my honest words on paper is so much more personal and is as close to a religion as I get.
7. A guy who has a college degree. Education is important to me, and ties in with the goal-oriented requirement.
8. A guy who's not judgmental. I was bullied quite a bit in school growing up...and that way of thinking just drives me insane. I know it's impossible not to have at least a small picture upon initial introductions...but I would ultimately prefer you see me as a forever changing human being than a statue.
9. A guy who never places people on a pedestal. I'm no God, demi-God, or deserving of any worship. I'm human, guilty of making mistakes, and have many faults here and there. So, DO NOT turn me into an Idol of any kind. It's what caused my only attempt at marriage to fail miserably. He worshiped me, saw me as someone who could work magic on his universe's composition...and therefor my voice/opinions/morals/goals/traits were always a disappointment. Amanda Palmer, thank you for your song, "Ampersand." I see now why it would have never worked between us. He could see our future long before I had even imagined it...or was even in his life. I could have been anyone...but instead, I wasn't myself when I was with him. I hope one day he realizes this. I still care for him dearly, as a friend, who hopes to one day be an actual friend.
10. A guy who's not violent. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but the pace in which I take my life is my own...and I should never be pressured to move at the speed you see fit. Pressure is a form of violence in my mind, call me crazy.
11. A guy who's willing to share. My ideas and artistic abilities are very important to me, and if you refuse to share your stories, opinions, and talents with those around you...why have people in your life at all? You're not the best, you're not going to be the best, even if someone hands you a medal saying, "you are the best."
12. A guy who's willing to take a risk, and forget the potential heart-aches. I would rather you were expectationless than looking too far into the could be's, what if's, or not worth it's. I'm here...always will be, and my toes are on the edge of a cliff ready to walk across that bridge. I don't wait, unless you tell me that's what you want me to do. In that case, I'd wait for a time...but not forever.
13. A guy who loves traveling.
14. A guy who's family (yes, friends count too) mean the world to him. I have a close relationship with both my immediate family and extended band of mischief seekers. We all have our problems, vises, and times of need...I'd hate to leave them stranded, because I know I would too.
15. A guy willing to see the plus side of everything. Even when you're hating life, you're job, you're financial situation, car...whatever it may be, there's a silver lining to that gray cloud. Things will get better, but you have to be willing to see it that way...or it will never get better, and no one will want to be around you.
16. A guy who's willing to admit he's wrong when he's wrong. No one likes a jackass. NO ONE!
I've run out of things I hope this future dude has...and not all of them are required in one being for him to come off as attractive.
Love you, whoever you are.
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