Who knows how they begin...or why they grow...or how to put a stop to them once they're there; bad moods have a mind of their own, and on this particular Tuesday morning, Nina Gina November Nelson, felt off!
Her mind raced. Her limbs twitched and fidgeted wildly. She found herself forgetting to blink. She instantly regretted negative, snappy, sarcastic comments launched at her family members, after she had said them. She muted her temper at school to avoid conflict, which just led to tripping over everything in site, and blanking when Ms. Kaleidoscope called upon her in class.
"I don't know the square root of whatever...and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't eat this root, even if it were square, triangular, or shaped-like my Aunt Susan's behind."
At recess, she hid in the big tires on the playground for the sake of sitting somewhere silent...but no matter, it didn't work! She now knew where the boys emptied their bladders when no one was looking...she just wished it hadn't accidentally been in the place she'd hoped to hide in peace.
Her favorite teacher found her sitting outside the classroom door with her head in her hands, and so graciously offered her her hoodie...but once Nina Gina November Nelson slipped her second arm through the second sleeve and went to zip the zipper all the way up...the zipper got stuck a third of an inch past her belly-button.
For a lack of a better way to put it...all hell broke loose, on that Tuesday afternoon, and Nina never could recall just where her manners went at that very moment.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Faceebook Fail
1. Found out today that my Great Aunt, Jo Ann reads my blogs...and my last post was totally boy/private parts/romance related. Hopefully she has a sense of humor! Otherwise, this year's family Christmas card from her might be awkward. Meh! What are you gonna do, right? Hi, Aunt Jo Ann! Think of it like me waving at you from the camera of a talk show, but it's got the closed captions on, and you're just reading this to yourself thinking...my God, what's wrong with this girl.
2. Called in sick to work today...which I swear, I always feel guilty for, because I always manage to feel okay by mid-day. I can't even enjoy it! I woke up at 10am this morning to find that my room mate's couch cushion had been further digested or destroyed by her dog. Me, and my swollen left eye (from sinus pressure, no one beat me about the face), slowly swept up the mess, pleasantly thinking my room mate has already offered to buy me dinner on Friday with how much I help out with the dog. Maybe I can tally up the times I help...but that would be mean, and unlike me! I just hope it gets better, before his behavior gets worse, and he decides to start munching on all the furniture. What if we have to start sitting Asian style in the living room?! Brody is secretly aware of these fears, and is acting upon them. What a smart dog! And downright fucking evil! Anyways, I've managed to watch two episodes of Parenthood, drink a whole French press of coffee, start the Princess and the Frog (cause the Shadow Man intrigues me), and draw out an inside joke from a couple weeks back. Long story short, a couple weeks ago, on a most fortunate Sunday, this woman selling handmade greeting cards approached me in a bar on Capitol Hill, Seattle...and told me if I bought 6 cards, I got a free motor-boat with purchase. How can you resist an offer like that when you've had 6 beers? Yes, before you ask, there's pictures proving this happened, but they're never going to be on Facebook. Well, I decided it would be funny to draw out the one that said, "Dear _________, Even if you were the last unicorn on Earth, I'd still fuck a horse. Sincerely, __________" It's perfect, and my "fan-art," of sorts, just adds to the twisted tale. I found the woman's blog account, and couldn't help but subscribe. Please check it out, because I hate glitter, and willingly putting my nose between her body-glitter-sprayed tits just has to supported, as well as her work! Her blog is www.Superalisa.com
3. During Thanksgiving with the family in Concrete, Washington (middle of fucking nowhere, Washington), I took moments here and there to isolate myself with Grandma's art supplies at the dining room table before eating not that much grub, 'cause I was sick. Jody, my cousin, grabbed my sketchbook and started thumbing through it. She found a rather disturbing page with a bizarre creature on it, that I, of course, drew myself. My two favorite animals are the frog and the flamingo, and I wanted to see what the combined, love child of the two would look like. Well, my friends, as you can imagine, it wasn't a pretty picture, and I'm pretty sure that's why God doesn't approve of cross-breading outside of veggies and flowers...who knows, maybe he doesn't approve of that either. Hopefully that doesn't turn into all farmers and nursery workers going to hell for tampering with the "design." Did I mention I wasn't religious? Anyways, my cousin is waving my sketchbook around, showing it to all my older relatives, shouting, "She's YOUR daughter!" That's when I realized, I had placed a caption next to the creature that read, "Frogs and flamingos shouldn't fuck!" I was embarrassed for a split second, and then once I saw the confusion and laughter that followed...it was worth it. Maybe I should share my creativity more often.
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4. I struggle with the thought of a career path perfect for me on a daily basis...as you all know, or have read. It keeps me up at night, and it's probably is the reason I have taken to the red wine (but not enough to be a drunk, just enjoying my youth, don't judge). I draw as often as I can, and spend hours daydreaming about what the next doodle or postcard or piece will be. The list gets longer...and the hours I spend dreaming of being a teacher are becoming fewer and farther between. Is it a sign? A rather handsome friend of mine has started to steal road signs for me, specifically "Sidewalk Closed Ahead" signs. I now, technically have two. They're a whole 'nother inspiration entirely, and I'm excited to know (and feel somewhat awful) that someone is willing to steal for my cause. I may have told him I wouldn't object to his fingers getting stickier. I'm a terrible influence, but you know...he started it!
Hopefully things simmer down soon, but more than likely, they'll just go up in flames! Love life, and baby-steps.
2. Called in sick to work today...which I swear, I always feel guilty for, because I always manage to feel okay by mid-day. I can't even enjoy it! I woke up at 10am this morning to find that my room mate's couch cushion had been further digested or destroyed by her dog. Me, and my swollen left eye (from sinus pressure, no one beat me about the face), slowly swept up the mess, pleasantly thinking my room mate has already offered to buy me dinner on Friday with how much I help out with the dog. Maybe I can tally up the times I help...but that would be mean, and unlike me! I just hope it gets better, before his behavior gets worse, and he decides to start munching on all the furniture. What if we have to start sitting Asian style in the living room?! Brody is secretly aware of these fears, and is acting upon them. What a smart dog! And downright fucking evil! Anyways, I've managed to watch two episodes of Parenthood, drink a whole French press of coffee, start the Princess and the Frog (cause the Shadow Man intrigues me), and draw out an inside joke from a couple weeks back. Long story short, a couple weeks ago, on a most fortunate Sunday, this woman selling handmade greeting cards approached me in a bar on Capitol Hill, Seattle...and told me if I bought 6 cards, I got a free motor-boat with purchase. How can you resist an offer like that when you've had 6 beers? Yes, before you ask, there's pictures proving this happened, but they're never going to be on Facebook. Well, I decided it would be funny to draw out the one that said, "Dear _________, Even if you were the last unicorn on Earth, I'd still fuck a horse. Sincerely, __________" It's perfect, and my "fan-art," of sorts, just adds to the twisted tale. I found the woman's blog account, and couldn't help but subscribe. Please check it out, because I hate glitter, and willingly putting my nose between her body-glitter-sprayed tits just has to supported, as well as her work! Her blog is www.Superalisa.com
3. During Thanksgiving with the family in Concrete, Washington (middle of fucking nowhere, Washington), I took moments here and there to isolate myself with Grandma's art supplies at the dining room table before eating not that much grub, 'cause I was sick. Jody, my cousin, grabbed my sketchbook and started thumbing through it. She found a rather disturbing page with a bizarre creature on it, that I, of course, drew myself. My two favorite animals are the frog and the flamingo, and I wanted to see what the combined, love child of the two would look like. Well, my friends, as you can imagine, it wasn't a pretty picture, and I'm pretty sure that's why God doesn't approve of cross-breading outside of veggies and flowers...who knows, maybe he doesn't approve of that either. Hopefully that doesn't turn into all farmers and nursery workers going to hell for tampering with the "design." Did I mention I wasn't religious? Anyways, my cousin is waving my sketchbook around, showing it to all my older relatives, shouting, "She's YOUR daughter!" That's when I realized, I had placed a caption next to the creature that read, "Frogs and flamingos shouldn't fuck!" I was embarrassed for a split second, and then once I saw the confusion and laughter that followed...it was worth it. Maybe I should share my creativity more often.
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4. I struggle with the thought of a career path perfect for me on a daily basis...as you all know, or have read. It keeps me up at night, and it's probably is the reason I have taken to the red wine (but not enough to be a drunk, just enjoying my youth, don't judge). I draw as often as I can, and spend hours daydreaming about what the next doodle or postcard or piece will be. The list gets longer...and the hours I spend dreaming of being a teacher are becoming fewer and farther between. Is it a sign? A rather handsome friend of mine has started to steal road signs for me, specifically "Sidewalk Closed Ahead" signs. I now, technically have two. They're a whole 'nother inspiration entirely, and I'm excited to know (and feel somewhat awful) that someone is willing to steal for my cause. I may have told him I wouldn't object to his fingers getting stickier. I'm a terrible influence, but you know...he started it!
Hopefully things simmer down soon, but more than likely, they'll just go up in flames! Love life, and baby-steps.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Who The...What The...Huh?!
So, I'm...I'm...having a hard time putting all this shit into words, but here goes.
My head is going to explode, I swear I can feel my pulse in the pit of my stomach, either that or my stomach has floated up to my ribcage, and has decided to take up a permanent residency there. Odd things freak me out, and put me on the verge of panic attacks, like when you realize you're in a $17-$20 a plate restaurant, and there's someone sitting across the table from you in a button-up shirt. Or when you're asked whether or not we're going to eat out or cook in for the night...but wait, no, let's grab wine first, then take a leisurely stroll through the grocery store...'cause that's apparently what kids are doing these days.
Hold the effin' phone here! That sounds awfully grown up. You don't seem to realize that I'm perfectly satisfied with just movies in bed...there doesn't even have to be movies.
Your option sounds nice too...
"You don't want to be a grown up? Grown ups get to be immature and yet some how more mature."
Just let the pants melt off now...'cause I'm floored! WHO ARE YOU?!
My head is going to explode, I swear I can feel my pulse in the pit of my stomach, either that or my stomach has floated up to my ribcage, and has decided to take up a permanent residency there. Odd things freak me out, and put me on the verge of panic attacks, like when you realize you're in a $17-$20 a plate restaurant, and there's someone sitting across the table from you in a button-up shirt. Or when you're asked whether or not we're going to eat out or cook in for the night...but wait, no, let's grab wine first, then take a leisurely stroll through the grocery store...'cause that's apparently what kids are doing these days.
Hold the effin' phone here! That sounds awfully grown up. You don't seem to realize that I'm perfectly satisfied with just movies in bed...there doesn't even have to be movies.
Your option sounds nice too...
"You don't want to be a grown up? Grown ups get to be immature and yet some how more mature."
Just let the pants melt off now...'cause I'm floored! WHO ARE YOU?!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Beginnings, Butterflies, and Peek-a-Boos!
So, here's the what's what, kids. I'm insane. I know, I know; we all knew this right? Well, except I'm still shocked at how often I have to remind myself of this fact...just so the world, and the happenings a-happenin' stop shocking me on a daily basis.
Free motor-boats with purchase, yes/no/maybe check-boxed make-out invitation cards, boys, screaming children with ear infections, not sleeping enough, piercings, wine, card games that make absolutely no sense to me...because they're DnD wannabes, a Microsoft Surface, ....just nothing about my life makes a lick of sense to me.
EXCEPT TODAY!!!
Here's where I just throw in the towel, and say to whoever's listening: "HIYA! I'm gonna talk nonstop after three cups of coffee, wanna rock out to Amanda Palmer with me, text me at 3am on a worknight, and then complain that we just shoulda gone to bed when we had the chance? You do? Sweet!" Huh? That already sounds like me? Well, it is...but I'm willing to finally come to terms with it. I'm 25, scared of nothing, except my own shadow, and the imaginary failure police that we have yet to prove doesn't exist. I'm here to kickass, and just be me. I feel electric, and nothing can parade on my rain!
Read it again, it's right, I swear!
Damnit....
Free motor-boats with purchase, yes/no/maybe check-boxed make-out invitation cards, boys, screaming children with ear infections, not sleeping enough, piercings, wine, card games that make absolutely no sense to me...because they're DnD wannabes, a Microsoft Surface, ....just nothing about my life makes a lick of sense to me.
EXCEPT TODAY!!!
Here's where I just throw in the towel, and say to whoever's listening: "HIYA! I'm gonna talk nonstop after three cups of coffee, wanna rock out to Amanda Palmer with me, text me at 3am on a worknight, and then complain that we just shoulda gone to bed when we had the chance? You do? Sweet!" Huh? That already sounds like me? Well, it is...but I'm willing to finally come to terms with it. I'm 25, scared of nothing, except my own shadow, and the imaginary failure police that we have yet to prove doesn't exist. I'm here to kickass, and just be me. I feel electric, and nothing can parade on my rain!
Read it again, it's right, I swear!
Damnit....
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Selfishly Wishing to Hop Ponds,
I've been temp Nannying for a family in Bellevue for the last week and a half...and my heart goes out to them hardcore.
They're moving to London for Mom's new job opportunity through Microsoft. I think Dad had mentioned that he'd be a stay at home dad for a while, and I can tell he's scared shitless about so many things. I give him props though; in a marriage, that takes a ton of devotion, trust, and love to do what he's willing to put his family through. I'm jealous; I loved England so much, and I hope his family loves it too.
He has three wonderful children, and they all drive him completely mad.
I'm jealous of a family like that, love oozing out of the floor boards. You know frustration like that just comes from having children with large personalities, and hearts the size of the house they live in. They live the good life.
Dad picked up his youngest from the hotel room last night, and admitted to me he couldn't find all the passports!
Whoa...buddy! If I could gift you your peace of mind back, I so would!
Good luck in London, White family! Take it by storm, and if the locals give you crap for your Amurrican accents...just tell 'em: "Eff you, we're Canadian!"
It's been a fun week, and certainly heart-warming.
I love my job...sometimes it's just hard saying good-bye to some kids.
They're moving to London for Mom's new job opportunity through Microsoft. I think Dad had mentioned that he'd be a stay at home dad for a while, and I can tell he's scared shitless about so many things. I give him props though; in a marriage, that takes a ton of devotion, trust, and love to do what he's willing to put his family through. I'm jealous; I loved England so much, and I hope his family loves it too.
He has three wonderful children, and they all drive him completely mad.
I'm jealous of a family like that, love oozing out of the floor boards. You know frustration like that just comes from having children with large personalities, and hearts the size of the house they live in. They live the good life.
Dad picked up his youngest from the hotel room last night, and admitted to me he couldn't find all the passports!
Whoa...buddy! If I could gift you your peace of mind back, I so would!
Good luck in London, White family! Take it by storm, and if the locals give you crap for your Amurrican accents...just tell 'em: "Eff you, we're Canadian!"
It's been a fun week, and certainly heart-warming.
I love my job...sometimes it's just hard saying good-bye to some kids.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
"What Does it Take to be Lonesome?"
I have the day off, on this fine Wednesday, October the 17th. I didn't get dressed till noonish, I watched Boy Meets World and Buffy for part of the day, whilst doodling and making fine pieces of Postal Art on my couch. I have a cuddly pooch fighting for my affections, and he doesn't know this yet...but, Sir Brody, you'll get to walk me down the marsh today. I have kept track of time passing by counting the number of coffee cups I've dranken...and coincidentally the number of times I've had to pee already (feels like a couple times each hour, I swear). It's a hard knock life, but someone's got to enjoy today; I won't complain that it's me for once.
I'm loving harmonizing to these guys!
*pause*
Gotta pee again! Excuse me.
I'm loving harmonizing to these guys!
*pause*
Gotta pee again! Excuse me.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Diabetes Doesn't Suck, My Brother Does
It's been ten years since he was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes...and he's not proven that he's been in control from the get-go.
Why do I get the feeling that it's gonna have to take kidney failure to make him see the error of his ways?
He makes me so mad...and it gets harder to love him every day.
It's weird when you have to tell your own Brother, "I don't know if I can believe your excuses anymore." I may have sounded really calm, but my lower eye-lids felt like they weighed about a ton each.
I'm moving out because of him, and I'm glad he knows.
Why do I get the feeling that it's gonna have to take kidney failure to make him see the error of his ways?
He makes me so mad...and it gets harder to love him every day.
It's weird when you have to tell your own Brother, "I don't know if I can believe your excuses anymore." I may have sounded really calm, but my lower eye-lids felt like they weighed about a ton each.
I'm moving out because of him, and I'm glad he knows.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Pride
My own pride is eating me alive.
I will make my future with my hands, even if it means having no chance in hell.
I'm all talk and no action, but that ends now.
Run with the fear, run with the chance, and accept the hell.
What else is there to do?
Love you all.
~Heather
I will make my future with my hands, even if it means having no chance in hell.
I'm all talk and no action, but that ends now.
Run with the fear, run with the chance, and accept the hell.
What else is there to do?
Love you all.
~Heather
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Uh Oh...Those Crazy Vikings
I don't want to work to prove myself to anyone.
I want to work, in the sense, that I can always play and learn more about who I am...and how humanity ticks.
I want to break bridges, set fire to the routine, and walk through oceans of paint, paper, envelopes, and fine-tipped markers forever.
I want to put an end to the hate, blame, and denial.
Who am I?
What am I addicted to?
Hello, everyone. I stand before you today...
*ahem*
I mean...to say...
My name is Heather, and...
I'm an artist.
I want to work, in the sense, that I can always play and learn more about who I am...and how humanity ticks.
I want to break bridges, set fire to the routine, and walk through oceans of paint, paper, envelopes, and fine-tipped markers forever.
I want to put an end to the hate, blame, and denial.
Who am I?
What am I addicted to?
Hello, everyone. I stand before you today...
*ahem*
I mean...to say...
My name is Heather, and...
I'm an artist.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Not the Killing Type
I'm struggling, man!
I need a job, a different location, and I need it soon, or I'm going to blow a gasket.
I have a close friend who's looking to move with me...but I'm worried that we're just in two different financial upbringings to make it work out.
This move would be all financial ties cut, which I want...trust me, kids, my heart longs for it more than anything. Right next to that need to eat, breath, and sleep on a regular basis.
Ya never know what words could bring me to tears, inappropriately loud laughter, or a painful numbing silence for hours.
I'm all outa wack...that's for damb sure! I love Amanda Palmer though, and wish I had her bravery to just live off of the riches from my handmade creations, made with love and from the heart.
The bleeding is a little trippy though...
Don't worry, I won't kill anyone...yet.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Concerned
I have never felt like this before...and it's a little frightening.
I know camp always leads to a struggle for adjustment whenever it's time to go back home, but...I've never struggled to adjust this much.
My train of thought is so scattered, and as much as I know staying here wouldn't make me happy...I just crave some resemblance of a rhythm or "groove."
It's not even Winter.
I'm concerned for my career (whichever one I choose), I'm concerned for my future, and at this point...my wellbeeing.
I'm scared shitless.
I need help...and I'm too afraid to ask for it.
I know camp always leads to a struggle for adjustment whenever it's time to go back home, but...I've never struggled to adjust this much.
My train of thought is so scattered, and as much as I know staying here wouldn't make me happy...I just crave some resemblance of a rhythm or "groove."
It's not even Winter.
I'm concerned for my career (whichever one I choose), I'm concerned for my future, and at this point...my wellbeeing.
I'm scared shitless.
I need help...and I'm too afraid to ask for it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
They'll Understand...I hope
I haven't been happy here for a long time. At home, in my home state I mean.
I've had plenty of fun times, but I wasn't sad to leave, and I'm not happy to be back. My career path is going down the drain, and the prospects aren't pleasant.
I come home from work to my old room that I had in childhood to college...and I just think every moment of every day, I don't belong here.
You're making $20 an hour at Amazon, you're making $30 an hour at Century Link, your getting married, starting a family, and I'm standing still.
I watch my Father and Brother stress themselves out and make poor decisions, and I can't say anything, because I'm not in a place to preach, nor are they in a place to listen. I look to the right of my brother's keyboard on the computer on his desk (my desk)...and I see the words, "Heavenly Father, thou has prepared things for us that we can have if only we believe. May we come to thee in our weakness and ask."
I don't know him anymore, and it makes me so mad. I'm not religious, and I don't know what traumatic thing happened to him to make him so in a matter of months. He's baptized, and I'm high-tailing it out of here.
I drank a lot to cope with how unhappy I was, watching the debt accumulate, watching my friends become more superficial by the hour, only caring for what they wore or how much money they made, continue to make.
I'd settle for happiness. Making a difference. I really don't want to plan my life around 2 months out of the year...and I don't think I can go back there either.
It's quite ironic how vague I can be in my blog posts, when really I'm terrified of the unknown.
I cope by speaking in riddles? Great.
I'm happy alone for once, so at least there's that. I don't need a partner in any of this, maybe just a partner in crime, but not a romance.
I'm really quite incapable at that right now.
I love live, and I can't stay put here. I need to make a name for myself, and need the freedom to do it completely away from where it's too easy to be lazy and timid.
They say home is where the heart is, and that may be true, but home is not where my heart craves to be. Home is where my freedom lies, and freedom is where only my own feet can take me.
"May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on, carry on."
I've had plenty of fun times, but I wasn't sad to leave, and I'm not happy to be back. My career path is going down the drain, and the prospects aren't pleasant.
I come home from work to my old room that I had in childhood to college...and I just think every moment of every day, I don't belong here.
You're making $20 an hour at Amazon, you're making $30 an hour at Century Link, your getting married, starting a family, and I'm standing still.
I watch my Father and Brother stress themselves out and make poor decisions, and I can't say anything, because I'm not in a place to preach, nor are they in a place to listen. I look to the right of my brother's keyboard on the computer on his desk (my desk)...and I see the words, "Heavenly Father, thou has prepared things for us that we can have if only we believe. May we come to thee in our weakness and ask."
I don't know him anymore, and it makes me so mad. I'm not religious, and I don't know what traumatic thing happened to him to make him so in a matter of months. He's baptized, and I'm high-tailing it out of here.
I drank a lot to cope with how unhappy I was, watching the debt accumulate, watching my friends become more superficial by the hour, only caring for what they wore or how much money they made, continue to make.
I'd settle for happiness. Making a difference. I really don't want to plan my life around 2 months out of the year...and I don't think I can go back there either.
It's quite ironic how vague I can be in my blog posts, when really I'm terrified of the unknown.
I cope by speaking in riddles? Great.
I'm happy alone for once, so at least there's that. I don't need a partner in any of this, maybe just a partner in crime, but not a romance.
I'm really quite incapable at that right now.
I love live, and I can't stay put here. I need to make a name for myself, and need the freedom to do it completely away from where it's too easy to be lazy and timid.
They say home is where the heart is, and that may be true, but home is not where my heart craves to be. Home is where my freedom lies, and freedom is where only my own feet can take me.
"May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on, carry on."
Monday, August 13, 2012
Summer Souls Burn On
"You could love me or not, but either way I gotta wake up to face another day tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning, what will the world bring?"
Talk about an dangerously hectic summer!
Yes, my friends, I've returned home safely...but just barely! After a teary-eyed good-bye to so many people I love and got to know so well, my head's back in the clouds and my heart is longing to be in about 12 different locations at once. Camp is one of those gut-wrenching phenominas. Shall we see each other again? Shall we laugh and drink like that someday? Or shall we just remember each other forever? What will the world bring, indeed.
My fondest memories will be of dark nights spent in the haven, and long dangerously wild nights at dive bars in Minocqua, Wisconsin. I'll remember these faces, and will gladly let them haunt me for the next few months. Before you know it...life will get crazy hectic again with work and the real world. Say it ain't so!
Just remember:
"We work with children, because we ARE children!" -Wausau 2012
Let's never grow up, together!
Till we meet again, Wisconsin.
Talk about an dangerously hectic summer!
Yes, my friends, I've returned home safely...but just barely! After a teary-eyed good-bye to so many people I love and got to know so well, my head's back in the clouds and my heart is longing to be in about 12 different locations at once. Camp is one of those gut-wrenching phenominas. Shall we see each other again? Shall we laugh and drink like that someday? Or shall we just remember each other forever? What will the world bring, indeed.
My fondest memories will be of dark nights spent in the haven, and long dangerously wild nights at dive bars in Minocqua, Wisconsin. I'll remember these faces, and will gladly let them haunt me for the next few months. Before you know it...life will get crazy hectic again with work and the real world. Say it ain't so!
Just remember:
"We work with children, because we ARE children!" -Wausau 2012
Let's never grow up, together!
Till we meet again, Wisconsin.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Till I Come Home
I've been listening to Fun's 2nd album all day, and man do they make it sound easy to write an anthum. Have you heard the lyrics? Can I get a "huh?" Still...it's nice to pack to. Makes me feel like I could punch an over privaledged teen and get away with it, if I run fast enough.
I hate packing! Hate it, hate it, hate it! Just thinking about it makes me want a shot of tequila. All I have to do is pack the toiletries, coffee mug, and last minute memorabilia.
If anything, I look Pacific Northwesty today. With tourquoise eyeshadow to boot. *cue black cat crossing my...keyboard?* Is that bad luck still? It's not my path persay...but it's my focus for now. How'd she know to step on the touchpad? Welp, mysteries of life indeed.
You thought life was dramatic now? Just wait; just you wait! Pretty soon, we'll all have our camp goggles on. She'll be sleeping with him, he'll be sleeping with who knows...but everyone's dying to know. We'll be staying up late, screwing up our schedules just to get an hour to ourselves. To be "grown-ups." I'm gonna tell myself that I'll go out less, but we all know...it's impossible. There's too many willing souls with open pockets. So, looks like it's Jack and dancin' on tables once again! Wouldn't have it any other way. What with far away friends comin' togetha to throw it all away? What more could ya ask for? It's heaven...the kind you can only live with for two months out of the year. I become this New Jersey Dame, who just wants to give it to you straight. I love her! Time to put the past behind.
Gonna miss you all though. Let's write letters. I mean it this time. Lets love each other on paper littered with postage stamps. It'll be...everything I've asked for.
But dude! You best be waiting when I return. Don't know who you are, but you best be here when I return...or I'll just have to wait another year.
TO LIFE! And that goober who mistakingly said..."Schindler on the Roof." Le Chiam.
I hate packing! Hate it, hate it, hate it! Just thinking about it makes me want a shot of tequila. All I have to do is pack the toiletries, coffee mug, and last minute memorabilia.
If anything, I look Pacific Northwesty today. With tourquoise eyeshadow to boot. *cue black cat crossing my...keyboard?* Is that bad luck still? It's not my path persay...but it's my focus for now. How'd she know to step on the touchpad? Welp, mysteries of life indeed.
You thought life was dramatic now? Just wait; just you wait! Pretty soon, we'll all have our camp goggles on. She'll be sleeping with him, he'll be sleeping with who knows...but everyone's dying to know. We'll be staying up late, screwing up our schedules just to get an hour to ourselves. To be "grown-ups." I'm gonna tell myself that I'll go out less, but we all know...it's impossible. There's too many willing souls with open pockets. So, looks like it's Jack and dancin' on tables once again! Wouldn't have it any other way. What with far away friends comin' togetha to throw it all away? What more could ya ask for? It's heaven...the kind you can only live with for two months out of the year. I become this New Jersey Dame, who just wants to give it to you straight. I love her! Time to put the past behind.
Gonna miss you all though. Let's write letters. I mean it this time. Lets love each other on paper littered with postage stamps. It'll be...everything I've asked for.
But dude! You best be waiting when I return. Don't know who you are, but you best be here when I return...or I'll just have to wait another year.
TO LIFE! And that goober who mistakingly said..."Schindler on the Roof." Le Chiam.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
TTFN Washington
I leave for Wisconsin Saturday morning, and I can't wait for the send-off adventures tomorrow.
Piles of the shit I need to pack up are cluttering my parents' living room...and it all just feels like a re-run at this point. A paid vacation from life all the same though. I need to get away...HAVE TO GET AWAY! Right as it gets interesting; like a starlet exiting stage left just when they're beggin' for more! Mystery, friends.
I'm not sure what I'm in store for this summer, but I betcha it's better than the mess here.
Been avoiding the Doctor's office, when there's something obviously wrong with my body...and has been wrong for close to 6 months now. I'd really wish they'd just say, "you're best bet is just cuttin' the darn thing out. We all know you don't need it anyhow." Don't know if Alli will be employed when I get back, which makes living together really difficult. Hoping to one day have a job I can be proud of. Her status...that I say doesn't bother me, 'cause it doesn't, but...feels like one huge sad story when coupled with the train-wreck of my almost marriage. Yeah, found the lost engagement ring and wedding band when moved out of my apartment...but now it's the nightmare that won't end. I deserved better...but if the love letter's gonna work, I need the correct heart to launch it to. He wasn't the one, and man was I too eager. I love life though, and with the tears I refuse to cry..."may the past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on, carry on."
"I just don't want it to ruin anything planned."
I'm not graceful, I'm not put together. I'm a ghost who just wants to dance.
Cheers, Washington. To a new you, to a new me, to a new you and I.
Piles of the shit I need to pack up are cluttering my parents' living room...and it all just feels like a re-run at this point. A paid vacation from life all the same though. I need to get away...HAVE TO GET AWAY! Right as it gets interesting; like a starlet exiting stage left just when they're beggin' for more! Mystery, friends.
I'm not sure what I'm in store for this summer, but I betcha it's better than the mess here.
Been avoiding the Doctor's office, when there's something obviously wrong with my body...and has been wrong for close to 6 months now. I'd really wish they'd just say, "you're best bet is just cuttin' the darn thing out. We all know you don't need it anyhow." Don't know if Alli will be employed when I get back, which makes living together really difficult. Hoping to one day have a job I can be proud of. Her status...that I say doesn't bother me, 'cause it doesn't, but...feels like one huge sad story when coupled with the train-wreck of my almost marriage. Yeah, found the lost engagement ring and wedding band when moved out of my apartment...but now it's the nightmare that won't end. I deserved better...but if the love letter's gonna work, I need the correct heart to launch it to. He wasn't the one, and man was I too eager. I love life though, and with the tears I refuse to cry..."may the past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on, carry on."
"I just don't want it to ruin anything planned."
I'm not graceful, I'm not put together. I'm a ghost who just wants to dance.
Cheers, Washington. To a new you, to a new me, to a new you and I.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Convincing Myself Nothing
It's really difficult thinking, "you're one of a kind...something special," as well as thinking, "you're normal...completely ordinary, and no one finds you interesting" all at the same time. It's like a battle of the persona. I want to draw them both, and see which one feels more real to look at. Like that episode of Xander halfed into two completely different people. I'm like that all the time. I don't know what's going to happen soon, but I know change is always on the rise. Like that bad moon Creedance sings about.
I do miss having a companion.
No one quite measures up.
I try anyways...but nonetheless, she steals the limelight.
Afton, I'm so sorry.
Please, work things out with your Joker/Two-face.
I'm still not sure if I want to come back here to stay.
I need an adventure that's bigger than myself.
Mom asked me if I was leaving, and I didn't have an answer for her.
I still don't.
I do miss having a companion.
No one quite measures up.
I try anyways...but nonetheless, she steals the limelight.
Afton, I'm so sorry.
Please, work things out with your Joker/Two-face.
I'm still not sure if I want to come back here to stay.
I need an adventure that's bigger than myself.
Mom asked me if I was leaving, and I didn't have an answer for her.
I still don't.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
It's Not About the Money, Money, Money? Fuck You.
As some of you may know, I have a new job starting on Monday, April 9th. Today was my orientation for it, actually. It's a fantastic company that I've heard only great things about, and I really can not wait to start DOING IT! I already have a family that I know through Westhill Elementary that is registered through my agency, and really wants to request me for days that they might need backup care for. Which would be so amazing!
I've been making that painful two-week long bandaid-rip process...saying good-bye to the Champion kids and families happen. It's not cool. It's not cool at all. I hate it, in fact. I know that if I stay in this career path...it's only gonna get harder and harder. Think of all the lives I could change, though! So many children, and opportunities to laugh and play with them. Incredible! It's all so exciting.
And to be blunt...I'll be making twice as much money!
CA-CHING!!!
Here's a list of the things I kinda need to buy...since I've been poor for so long, it's not even funny.
1. Antiques (Let's be honest, friends. We all know where my priorities lie).
2. Food
3. YOGA PANTS ('cause I finally have an excuse to wear them to work)
4. Nice jeans
5. Stationary (lots of letters to stay in touch with everyone, duh!)
6. Parashute cord from R.E.I. (one more art project underway, thank god it's cheap)
7. Whiskey (hey! at least it's not in the top 5, k?)
8. Head bands (that I alter and add to, of course)
9. A carpet bag
10. Floppy hat, complete with feathers
11. Bumbershoot with unique handle
The last three need to happen...'cause I want to be Mary Poppins, BITCH!!!
...but cooler. Much cooler.
I've been making that painful two-week long bandaid-rip process...saying good-bye to the Champion kids and families happen. It's not cool. It's not cool at all. I hate it, in fact. I know that if I stay in this career path...it's only gonna get harder and harder. Think of all the lives I could change, though! So many children, and opportunities to laugh and play with them. Incredible! It's all so exciting.
And to be blunt...I'll be making twice as much money!
CA-CHING!!!
Here's a list of the things I kinda need to buy...since I've been poor for so long, it's not even funny.
1. Antiques (Let's be honest, friends. We all know where my priorities lie).
2. Food
3. YOGA PANTS ('cause I finally have an excuse to wear them to work)
4. Nice jeans
5. Stationary (lots of letters to stay in touch with everyone, duh!)
6. Parashute cord from R.E.I. (one more art project underway, thank god it's cheap)
7. Whiskey (hey! at least it's not in the top 5, k?)
8. Head bands (that I alter and add to, of course)
9. A carpet bag
10. Floppy hat, complete with feathers
11. Bumbershoot with unique handle
The last three need to happen...'cause I want to be Mary Poppins, BITCH!!!
...but cooler. Much cooler.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Best Sundays
This past Sunday, I woke up at 9am. Modestly cleaned the living room, awaiting the arrival of a good friend I hadn't seen in a while. I drank my coffee at a leisurely pace, and stayed in athletic yoga garb all day. I even cluttered our livng room with all my art supplies...after cleaning it.
It's just how ya do it! Make room for a different kind of mess.
Sarah finally arrived at 1pm...and we drank beer and painted for 5 hours.
I don't know a better way to spend an afternoon, do you?!
We had the sliding glass door open, letting sunlight in, and a nice breeze movin' through the apartment...even if the breeze was my room mate's sympathy farts!
Later that night, my friend Clayton showed up, and we headed for Seattle to see Annex's Weird and Awesome with Emmet Montgomery (always the first Sunday of the month). Clatyon met Afton's boyfriend, Johnny...who now thinks of me as a little sister of his. GREAT! They're certainly amazing hugs, BUT I don't need anymore brothers from different mothers. I got plenty of people lookin' out for me. I'm not 100% certain I need another alcoholic in the extended tree either. Still...as Sarah said, "You can't keep someone around just for their comics." I know tons of people who would say otherwise. A match made in heaven was made perfectly clear whenever Clayton and Johnny agreed on some rock single from who knows when...and as if in unison, air-guitared for a solid minute! Boys.
I've lost track of the true subject though...where was I?
...um?
YEAH, Sunday...comedy show. Lesbian standup comedians that look like paper boys from the 1920s, yada yada yada...Cards Against Humanity, We Didn't Playtest This Either, fine Italian wine, AND finally going home at 2am (eventhough I had work the next morning at 7:30am).
Needless to say, I called in sick Monday morning. It wasn't ALL lack of sleep...I think my room mate's case of the farts were contagious. Maybe I should drink less beer.
I'd say a perfect Sunday was accomplished.
It's just how ya do it! Make room for a different kind of mess.
Sarah finally arrived at 1pm...and we drank beer and painted for 5 hours.
I don't know a better way to spend an afternoon, do you?!
We had the sliding glass door open, letting sunlight in, and a nice breeze movin' through the apartment...even if the breeze was my room mate's sympathy farts!
Later that night, my friend Clayton showed up, and we headed for Seattle to see Annex's Weird and Awesome with Emmet Montgomery (always the first Sunday of the month). Clatyon met Afton's boyfriend, Johnny...who now thinks of me as a little sister of his. GREAT! They're certainly amazing hugs, BUT I don't need anymore brothers from different mothers. I got plenty of people lookin' out for me. I'm not 100% certain I need another alcoholic in the extended tree either. Still...as Sarah said, "You can't keep someone around just for their comics." I know tons of people who would say otherwise. A match made in heaven was made perfectly clear whenever Clayton and Johnny agreed on some rock single from who knows when...and as if in unison, air-guitared for a solid minute! Boys.
I've lost track of the true subject though...where was I?
...um?
YEAH, Sunday...comedy show. Lesbian standup comedians that look like paper boys from the 1920s, yada yada yada...Cards Against Humanity, We Didn't Playtest This Either, fine Italian wine, AND finally going home at 2am (eventhough I had work the next morning at 7:30am).
Needless to say, I called in sick Monday morning. It wasn't ALL lack of sleep...I think my room mate's case of the farts were contagious. Maybe I should drink less beer.
I'd say a perfect Sunday was accomplished.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Might Explode
I rewatched one of my favorite TED talks the other day with my brother, the one with Performance Poet Sarah Kay. It's amazing, no matter how many times I've watched it...it still fills me with inspirations galore and a bottom eyelid full of tears I don't want to shed in front of people.
So, I thought I'd write down 3 things I know to be true. Just like she did.
1. I panic before the event that's got me worried even happens. I panic a lot.
2. I have a great deal of love bottled in my heart that has no where to go...and I don't know how to share it, so I give it to complete strangers in the form of anonymous letters.
3. Exercising the brain has always come naturally to me, exercising the body...has not.
There's a lot of changes going on...and all I can do to keep from exploding is doing the dishes.
I need to write more love letters...and paint it out. There's no one here anymore, but me.
So, I thought I'd write down 3 things I know to be true. Just like she did.
1. I panic before the event that's got me worried even happens. I panic a lot.
2. I have a great deal of love bottled in my heart that has no where to go...and I don't know how to share it, so I give it to complete strangers in the form of anonymous letters.
3. Exercising the brain has always come naturally to me, exercising the body...has not.
There's a lot of changes going on...and all I can do to keep from exploding is doing the dishes.
I need to write more love letters...and paint it out. There's no one here anymore, but me.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
OMG, Dawg!
1. My good friend is preggers. WOWZA, man! I think I'm more excited then she is...so I did the rightful and only logical thing. I bought her a mini-metallic chicken at an antique store. It will go perfect on her desk. It's mini-Beyonce!
2. I put in my two weeks notice today with Champions. I'm quitting for a full-time Nanny position in the greater Seattle area. I'm so excited, and nervous. I'm still going to camp...and I'm just hoping that they'll let me come back. I'm pretty sure it won't be much of an issue. BUT YIKES! They offered me my position immediately at the tail-end of my interview today in between shifts with work. Side ways, back slashy smiley face, Delbie! Also, kinda decently sized panic attack this morning when the application wouldn't work online today prior to my interview. Poor, Mom. Sorry. You're about the only one who knows I can actually raise my voice above a Batman grumble. The rest of the world has no clue. Lucky world.
3. Working a PTA meeting tonight, and opening for another co-worker tomorrow morning. Holy Muffin Murderers...I don't wanna! But money! BUT DON'T WANNA...but $$$$!!!
4. I need a glass of wine...and a nap. Won't get home till 9pm, again. It's so not worth it for barely breaking 20 hours a week right now work-wise.
5. Wine? Waitor...??? Oh, right, I'm in a public library. Fuck this shit! WAITOR!
2. I put in my two weeks notice today with Champions. I'm quitting for a full-time Nanny position in the greater Seattle area. I'm so excited, and nervous. I'm still going to camp...and I'm just hoping that they'll let me come back. I'm pretty sure it won't be much of an issue. BUT YIKES! They offered me my position immediately at the tail-end of my interview today in between shifts with work. Side ways, back slashy smiley face, Delbie! Also, kinda decently sized panic attack this morning when the application wouldn't work online today prior to my interview. Poor, Mom. Sorry. You're about the only one who knows I can actually raise my voice above a Batman grumble. The rest of the world has no clue. Lucky world.
3. Working a PTA meeting tonight, and opening for another co-worker tomorrow morning. Holy Muffin Murderers...I don't wanna! But money! BUT DON'T WANNA...but $$$$!!!
4. I need a glass of wine...and a nap. Won't get home till 9pm, again. It's so not worth it for barely breaking 20 hours a week right now work-wise.
5. Wine? Waitor...??? Oh, right, I'm in a public library. Fuck this shit! WAITOR!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Funniest Thing That Won't Ever Happen to Me
Him: I smoked a huge amount of pot the other night, to celebrate my new job. Found out the next morning that i need a drug test by saturday, lol.
Me: Oh, fuck.
Him: So i've got an explanatory letter all set up.
Me: This shouldn't be silly...but...you're silly.
Him: and an idea that they're mostly concerned with narcotics and methemphetamines. I KNOW.
Me: That could work.
Him: It's damn ironic.
Me: Yes, yes it is.
Him: I'm not worried, but a little anxious.
Me: That shit should seriously become a play. I'm gonna blog about it, but not use your name.
I seriously have the weirdest friends.
Me: Oh, fuck.
Him: So i've got an explanatory letter all set up.
Me: This shouldn't be silly...but...you're silly.
Him: and an idea that they're mostly concerned with narcotics and methemphetamines. I KNOW.
Me: That could work.
Him: It's damn ironic.
Me: Yes, yes it is.
Him: I'm not worried, but a little anxious.
Me: That shit should seriously become a play. I'm gonna blog about it, but not use your name.
I seriously have the weirdest friends.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Wanted, Man...or Dude...or...You
After looking back on all my failed attempts and real/unreal relationships, I've come to the conclusion I've been going about this all wrong. If anything, here's what I'm looking for:
1. A guy. This I know for certain...no girls, swingers, open-bedders, or liars. I'm straight, but do in an artistic fashion think the female body is attractive. That is all.
2. A guy who's understanding is equal, and as just as mine. I'm quick to forgive, when it is deserved, I never forget, or hold grudges. Hate and holding onto pain from the past is just taking away momentum from the greatness that could be accomplished now, tomorrow and in the future. Love is powerful, and I will always initially love all people that I meet. No, not romantically...platonic, from the heart, love.
3. A guy who has goals. He must always seek improvement on the skills he already has, and be forever curiously seeking new talents. Taking the instruction given with a grain of salt is intelligent, and mixing the new with the already is wise. Condescending tones are not attractive...nor is it necessary EVER.
4. A guy who thinks honesty and the truth is always the best and logical course of action. I've been with guys who are out to spare my feelings, and have tried to protect themselves from my look of disappointment. You can't hide anything from me, and what goes around, truly does come around. Don't lie, I hate it.
5. A guy who surrounds himself with loving souls. I've been with guys who are out to save the world, even though it can't be saved...right away at least. If I wanted a caped crusader, I'd fall in love with fiction and fantasy, and end my search there. Leave the saving to the super heroes...and just be yourself 'round me. It's far more interesting then the comic books. Caring and helping friends in need is quite different, but biting off more than you can chew is a danger I have been guilty of in the past. Hanging out with "glass half empty" individuals will rub off on you, and I have learned that one the hard way as well. I love myself, and if you don't love yourself...there's no way in hell you can learn to love others. Tom, you taught me that one.
6. A guy above informal lines of communication. Internet chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging are all really good ways of painting a false image of yourself to others...especially if you excelled at any creative writing course in school, like I did. I'm guilty of relying on these forms of communication from time to time, especially when I'm too shy to get my point across, hence why I started writing letters to close friends. Reading my honest words on paper is so much more personal and is as close to a religion as I get.
7. A guy who has a college degree. Education is important to me, and ties in with the goal-oriented requirement.
8. A guy who's not judgmental. I was bullied quite a bit in school growing up...and that way of thinking just drives me insane. I know it's impossible not to have at least a small picture upon initial introductions...but I would ultimately prefer you see me as a forever changing human being than a statue.
9. A guy who never places people on a pedestal. I'm no God, demi-God, or deserving of any worship. I'm human, guilty of making mistakes, and have many faults here and there. So, DO NOT turn me into an Idol of any kind. It's what caused my only attempt at marriage to fail miserably. He worshiped me, saw me as someone who could work magic on his universe's composition...and therefor my voice/opinions/morals/goals/traits were always a disappointment. Amanda Palmer, thank you for your song, "Ampersand." I see now why it would have never worked between us. He could see our future long before I had even imagined it...or was even in his life. I could have been anyone...but instead, I wasn't myself when I was with him. I hope one day he realizes this. I still care for him dearly, as a friend, who hopes to one day be an actual friend.
10. A guy who's not violent. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but the pace in which I take my life is my own...and I should never be pressured to move at the speed you see fit. Pressure is a form of violence in my mind, call me crazy.
11. A guy who's willing to share. My ideas and artistic abilities are very important to me, and if you refuse to share your stories, opinions, and talents with those around you...why have people in your life at all? You're not the best, you're not going to be the best, even if someone hands you a medal saying, "you are the best."
12. A guy who's willing to take a risk, and forget the potential heart-aches. I would rather you were expectationless than looking too far into the could be's, what if's, or not worth it's. I'm here...always will be, and my toes are on the edge of a cliff ready to walk across that bridge. I don't wait, unless you tell me that's what you want me to do. In that case, I'd wait for a time...but not forever.
13. A guy who loves traveling.
14. A guy who's family (yes, friends count too) mean the world to him. I have a close relationship with both my immediate family and extended band of mischief seekers. We all have our problems, vises, and times of need...I'd hate to leave them stranded, because I know I would too.
15. A guy willing to see the plus side of everything. Even when you're hating life, you're job, you're financial situation, car...whatever it may be, there's a silver lining to that gray cloud. Things will get better, but you have to be willing to see it that way...or it will never get better, and no one will want to be around you.
16. A guy who's willing to admit he's wrong when he's wrong. No one likes a jackass. NO ONE!
I've run out of things I hope this future dude has...and not all of them are required in one being for him to come off as attractive.
Love you, whoever you are.
1. A guy. This I know for certain...no girls, swingers, open-bedders, or liars. I'm straight, but do in an artistic fashion think the female body is attractive. That is all.
2. A guy who's understanding is equal, and as just as mine. I'm quick to forgive, when it is deserved, I never forget, or hold grudges. Hate and holding onto pain from the past is just taking away momentum from the greatness that could be accomplished now, tomorrow and in the future. Love is powerful, and I will always initially love all people that I meet. No, not romantically...platonic, from the heart, love.
3. A guy who has goals. He must always seek improvement on the skills he already has, and be forever curiously seeking new talents. Taking the instruction given with a grain of salt is intelligent, and mixing the new with the already is wise. Condescending tones are not attractive...nor is it necessary EVER.
4. A guy who thinks honesty and the truth is always the best and logical course of action. I've been with guys who are out to spare my feelings, and have tried to protect themselves from my look of disappointment. You can't hide anything from me, and what goes around, truly does come around. Don't lie, I hate it.
5. A guy who surrounds himself with loving souls. I've been with guys who are out to save the world, even though it can't be saved...right away at least. If I wanted a caped crusader, I'd fall in love with fiction and fantasy, and end my search there. Leave the saving to the super heroes...and just be yourself 'round me. It's far more interesting then the comic books. Caring and helping friends in need is quite different, but biting off more than you can chew is a danger I have been guilty of in the past. Hanging out with "glass half empty" individuals will rub off on you, and I have learned that one the hard way as well. I love myself, and if you don't love yourself...there's no way in hell you can learn to love others. Tom, you taught me that one.
6. A guy above informal lines of communication. Internet chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging are all really good ways of painting a false image of yourself to others...especially if you excelled at any creative writing course in school, like I did. I'm guilty of relying on these forms of communication from time to time, especially when I'm too shy to get my point across, hence why I started writing letters to close friends. Reading my honest words on paper is so much more personal and is as close to a religion as I get.
7. A guy who has a college degree. Education is important to me, and ties in with the goal-oriented requirement.
8. A guy who's not judgmental. I was bullied quite a bit in school growing up...and that way of thinking just drives me insane. I know it's impossible not to have at least a small picture upon initial introductions...but I would ultimately prefer you see me as a forever changing human being than a statue.
9. A guy who never places people on a pedestal. I'm no God, demi-God, or deserving of any worship. I'm human, guilty of making mistakes, and have many faults here and there. So, DO NOT turn me into an Idol of any kind. It's what caused my only attempt at marriage to fail miserably. He worshiped me, saw me as someone who could work magic on his universe's composition...and therefor my voice/opinions/morals/goals/traits were always a disappointment. Amanda Palmer, thank you for your song, "Ampersand." I see now why it would have never worked between us. He could see our future long before I had even imagined it...or was even in his life. I could have been anyone...but instead, I wasn't myself when I was with him. I hope one day he realizes this. I still care for him dearly, as a friend, who hopes to one day be an actual friend.
10. A guy who's not violent. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but the pace in which I take my life is my own...and I should never be pressured to move at the speed you see fit. Pressure is a form of violence in my mind, call me crazy.
11. A guy who's willing to share. My ideas and artistic abilities are very important to me, and if you refuse to share your stories, opinions, and talents with those around you...why have people in your life at all? You're not the best, you're not going to be the best, even if someone hands you a medal saying, "you are the best."
12. A guy who's willing to take a risk, and forget the potential heart-aches. I would rather you were expectationless than looking too far into the could be's, what if's, or not worth it's. I'm here...always will be, and my toes are on the edge of a cliff ready to walk across that bridge. I don't wait, unless you tell me that's what you want me to do. In that case, I'd wait for a time...but not forever.
13. A guy who loves traveling.
14. A guy who's family (yes, friends count too) mean the world to him. I have a close relationship with both my immediate family and extended band of mischief seekers. We all have our problems, vises, and times of need...I'd hate to leave them stranded, because I know I would too.
15. A guy willing to see the plus side of everything. Even when you're hating life, you're job, you're financial situation, car...whatever it may be, there's a silver lining to that gray cloud. Things will get better, but you have to be willing to see it that way...or it will never get better, and no one will want to be around you.
16. A guy who's willing to admit he's wrong when he's wrong. No one likes a jackass. NO ONE!
I've run out of things I hope this future dude has...and not all of them are required in one being for him to come off as attractive.
Love you, whoever you are.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
That's the Spirits
Concerning my last bloggie post thing...I have two completely seperate ideas/shows just a bumbpin' around in the ole noggin.
1.) I don't know if this could actually be possible...especially when it comes to liquor laws and how bars opperate. I thought about finding a bar that could potentially need more funds and community involvement or publicity. Who doesn't, right? I'd find a group of Artists who just can't seem to buy anything for themselves...and ARE TIRED OF IT! I'm sure there's loads of 'em just waiting and eager. They'd prepare a small collection of pieces (paintings, sculpture, not too big of installations, etc.) with a common theme for the event itself, and people coming into the bar wouldn't trade cash for the pieces...but buy the Artist(s) drinks instead (or even bar food/both). The Artists would have to name their price in drinks though...and I guess it would just be a matter of who's willing to spend the bucks, and tip the Bartenders as usual. It could potentially be a music event as well. Maybe the Artists could chip in for an initial "help the musicicans out" chunk of change before the whole thing starts. It would make for a everyone's helping everyone out in some way kinda night. Which sounds appealing to me, as a struggling Artist myself. I would just have to research how something like that would work, or if it'd even be allowed. I'd call it, "That's the Spirits!" or "Can't Get No."
2.) I'd also like to organize a team of conspirators to help out with an art show/exhibition/festival thing through some school district. Unite all the art departments, get the community involved for some cause that appeals to them.
Overrall, I just want to give and put all this energy into something that means a lot to me.
Art! It fuels me daily.
1.) I don't know if this could actually be possible...especially when it comes to liquor laws and how bars opperate. I thought about finding a bar that could potentially need more funds and community involvement or publicity. Who doesn't, right? I'd find a group of Artists who just can't seem to buy anything for themselves...and ARE TIRED OF IT! I'm sure there's loads of 'em just waiting and eager. They'd prepare a small collection of pieces (paintings, sculpture, not too big of installations, etc.) with a common theme for the event itself, and people coming into the bar wouldn't trade cash for the pieces...but buy the Artist(s) drinks instead (or even bar food/both). The Artists would have to name their price in drinks though...and I guess it would just be a matter of who's willing to spend the bucks, and tip the Bartenders as usual. It could potentially be a music event as well. Maybe the Artists could chip in for an initial "help the musicicans out" chunk of change before the whole thing starts. It would make for a everyone's helping everyone out in some way kinda night. Which sounds appealing to me, as a struggling Artist myself. I would just have to research how something like that would work, or if it'd even be allowed. I'd call it, "That's the Spirits!" or "Can't Get No."
2.) I'd also like to organize a team of conspirators to help out with an art show/exhibition/festival thing through some school district. Unite all the art departments, get the community involved for some cause that appeals to them.
Overrall, I just want to give and put all this energy into something that means a lot to me.
Art! It fuels me daily.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
You May Well Know...I'm Never Satisfied
So, if you really thought I was crazy...this one kinda nails the official nail in that coffin.
I've decided to start looking into Non-profit Project Managment, with absolutely no training (outside of things I've picked up here and there from my college years and life in general). I always seem to concoct this near-damn-impossible ideas when I'm sitting and drinking my coffee in Bothell in between shifts from the Elementary school I work at. As you may well know though, I'm just never satisfied.
I had texted one of my best friends, explaining how she may not be able to see me for a few solid weeks...because she lives in Seattle, and I live in the suburbs of Bellevue (trust me, I hate it, hate it, hate it). Through a few minutes of back and forth coaching of the emotional sorts, Afton had stated "It sucks, but it's life for our generation, and we have to grin and go on with our lives, or else...we will dwell on things we can't fix."
You see, the words 'grin and go on' that I'm not satisfied with...to the core of my being. I refuse to simply 'grin and go on.'
I made a promise to myself long ago (well, 2 years ago) that I would never rest until I did what made me happy...and I meant it.
I hope to stage (if you will)...a free art exhibit/show.
I don't know how I'm gonna fucking to do it...I just know I will.
Here's what I do know:
I will need a space, a time, someone's permission of space I'm sure, participants willing to do this purely for the enjoyment of it, an audience, a Production team...and for all of this to happen for free!
Okay, someone talk me out of this...
No, don't really.
On your mark, get set, GO!
Raise your hand if you think I'm nuts. don't worry, I've got every apendage raised on high for you.
This is what happens when I refuse to complain about life itself. I flip it all 1-motherfuckin'-80.
P.S. This is exactly why I don't have a man in my life...because that might potentially require taking a valium.
I've decided to start looking into Non-profit Project Managment, with absolutely no training (outside of things I've picked up here and there from my college years and life in general). I always seem to concoct this near-damn-impossible ideas when I'm sitting and drinking my coffee in Bothell in between shifts from the Elementary school I work at. As you may well know though, I'm just never satisfied.
I had texted one of my best friends, explaining how she may not be able to see me for a few solid weeks...because she lives in Seattle, and I live in the suburbs of Bellevue (trust me, I hate it, hate it, hate it). Through a few minutes of back and forth coaching of the emotional sorts, Afton had stated "It sucks, but it's life for our generation, and we have to grin and go on with our lives, or else...we will dwell on things we can't fix."
You see, the words 'grin and go on' that I'm not satisfied with...to the core of my being. I refuse to simply 'grin and go on.'
I made a promise to myself long ago (well, 2 years ago) that I would never rest until I did what made me happy...and I meant it.
I hope to stage (if you will)...a free art exhibit/show.
I don't know how I'm gonna fucking to do it...I just know I will.
Here's what I do know:
I will need a space, a time, someone's permission of space I'm sure, participants willing to do this purely for the enjoyment of it, an audience, a Production team...and for all of this to happen for free!
Okay, someone talk me out of this...
No, don't really.
On your mark, get set, GO!
Raise your hand if you think I'm nuts. don't worry, I've got every apendage raised on high for you.
This is what happens when I refuse to complain about life itself. I flip it all 1-motherfuckin'-80.
P.S. This is exactly why I don't have a man in my life...because that might potentially require taking a valium.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Walk To What You Want
I've been running towards the light for so long,
like if I find it, everything will be right.
But haphazardly, what I want doesn't shine white anymore,
it could be something I've invented in my dreams.
Now all I see sprays different rays of jewel and sand,
and white's gone dull compared to what I know is real.
like if I find it, everything will be right.
But haphazardly, what I want doesn't shine white anymore,
it could be something I've invented in my dreams.
Now all I see sprays different rays of jewel and sand,
and white's gone dull compared to what I know is real.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I'm Kinda an Idiot
I shouldn't be allowed on computers...or be allowed to have a phone. I mess things up, quickly.
I shouldn't be allowed to talk to boys...EVER, or be allowed to be thinking of them while on the computer.
I don't want feelings anymore...let alone eyeballs.
Could someone just take all these things away from me?
That'd be really great.
I shouldn't be allowed to talk to boys...EVER, or be allowed to be thinking of them while on the computer.
I don't want feelings anymore...let alone eyeballs.
Could someone just take all these things away from me?
That'd be really great.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I Can't Help It
Today's thoughts...which, of course, are tough...because I make 'em so, and I put great care into what I think about.
1. My room mate has a girl friend. Her name is Sarah, and today she told me that she didn't want me to feel like she's stepping on or interfering with my friendship with Doug. I have known Doug since 4th grade, meaning 15 years...and for a girlfriend of his that I've only known for less than a year to say that...it's pretty big of her. I could easily come off as some enemy, someone who has a connection with Doug that she could never touch upon, and competition. I'm not, but it could seem that way. But for both of us to look at the other not as a threat, but an ally...it's pretty awesome! I hope Doug knows he's lucky, and I hope he knows that he has both Sarah and I to help him through this rough time ahead of him with his Mom/family situation. Yes, leaving for camp will be hard, but I have to go. These challenges we face in life make us who we are...and so far, I like who I'm currently hanging out with.
2. I'm moving to a different location of Champions within my district. It's gonna be hard, because I'll miss the kids I'm currently working with, but it always gives me a chance to meet new children and get attached to them. Vicious cycle! It's all about needing hours, and money...so I can afford to one day go back to school to become a teacher. I believe that having a start in childcare will help a great deal with where I want to go in life. Things are still pretty uncharted, but I'm happy to be where I am now. There's no question about that.
3. I had to read a section within my STARS initial 20 hours work booklet about abuse and neglect. It made me incredibly sad, especially this particular passage, "Reducing the incidence of child abuse is a matter of intervention and education." I have already decided that I will spend the rest of my life trying to ensure the safety and growth of the children I meet. It's just really hard for me to think about such things, and it's hard for me to think...it could potentially happen while I'm working in this line of work. I don't like thinking about it!
4. My definition of an awesome day: when the sum of everything that has happened to me in the span of my day produces awe and a feeling of self-worth! Then it's been awesome, and means I'm awesome! But just because I didn't happen to have an awesome day...doesn't mean I've stopped being awesome. I'm always going to be awesome...unless I stop caring for myself and those around me.
5. I remember this whirlwind of a night, sitting by myself on the step outside of a shack on the property of my favorite place in the world. I said to myself through tears, rocking back and forth, hugging my knees, "every tear will be shed for others, and not for myself." I will spend my life giving to others...because it makes me happy.
I'm Heather, and I like where my life is going...THE END.
1. My room mate has a girl friend. Her name is Sarah, and today she told me that she didn't want me to feel like she's stepping on or interfering with my friendship with Doug. I have known Doug since 4th grade, meaning 15 years...and for a girlfriend of his that I've only known for less than a year to say that...it's pretty big of her. I could easily come off as some enemy, someone who has a connection with Doug that she could never touch upon, and competition. I'm not, but it could seem that way. But for both of us to look at the other not as a threat, but an ally...it's pretty awesome! I hope Doug knows he's lucky, and I hope he knows that he has both Sarah and I to help him through this rough time ahead of him with his Mom/family situation. Yes, leaving for camp will be hard, but I have to go. These challenges we face in life make us who we are...and so far, I like who I'm currently hanging out with.
2. I'm moving to a different location of Champions within my district. It's gonna be hard, because I'll miss the kids I'm currently working with, but it always gives me a chance to meet new children and get attached to them. Vicious cycle! It's all about needing hours, and money...so I can afford to one day go back to school to become a teacher. I believe that having a start in childcare will help a great deal with where I want to go in life. Things are still pretty uncharted, but I'm happy to be where I am now. There's no question about that.
3. I had to read a section within my STARS initial 20 hours work booklet about abuse and neglect. It made me incredibly sad, especially this particular passage, "Reducing the incidence of child abuse is a matter of intervention and education." I have already decided that I will spend the rest of my life trying to ensure the safety and growth of the children I meet. It's just really hard for me to think about such things, and it's hard for me to think...it could potentially happen while I'm working in this line of work. I don't like thinking about it!
4. My definition of an awesome day: when the sum of everything that has happened to me in the span of my day produces awe and a feeling of self-worth! Then it's been awesome, and means I'm awesome! But just because I didn't happen to have an awesome day...doesn't mean I've stopped being awesome. I'm always going to be awesome...unless I stop caring for myself and those around me.
5. I remember this whirlwind of a night, sitting by myself on the step outside of a shack on the property of my favorite place in the world. I said to myself through tears, rocking back and forth, hugging my knees, "every tear will be shed for others, and not for myself." I will spend my life giving to others...because it makes me happy.
I'm Heather, and I like where my life is going...THE END.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Germany
This is Oona's sister Lea, also from Germany. Thanks for your support, Lea. I'm glad my project was a reason to not do your homework for a bit.
Please people, more photos!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
You Don't Know
I'm trying my best to start an art project called, "You Don't Know." It ultimately will be a people chain of photos. Confusing...hmm, people will take photographs of themselves or their friends with someone's hands flat to the view frame of the photo. When you place the photos next to each other, it looks like peoples' hands are touching. I want to see how long the people chain can get. It will cellebrate the individualism and unique qualities of each person involved...and people in general. So, snap a photo and cellebrate humanity by embracing what "you don't know" about who you could be placed next to, and each other. Don't judge them, just as I won't judge your awesome photos.
Background: When I was a youngen' in middle school and high school, I barely spoke to anyone. I had a close nit group of friends that I could count on two hands, and I never reached farther than them. I grew up in a very materialistic community where Microsoft offspring felt inclined to tease you based on what you didn't own or didn't wear. I was a victim, and so...I became mute. I felt like because I didn't "fit in," and didn't feel accepted, these people simply didn't deserve to know me at all. So, I rebelled in my own way...by not saying a word to anyone, not even my teachers hardly. I didn't do the right thing though...I judged my peers too. I never got to know them, and maybe would have met some awesome people outside my group of close friends. I'll never know though. Here's my chance though...and yours. I work at an all boys summer camp now in Woodruff, Wisconsin from June to August every year. This will be my third year in 2012, and Josh Boling always said for some reason, "you don't know." It was meant to be funny in his Alabama accent, but I'll always remember it, and have attached my own personal meaning to it. Hence the title.
Here is photo number one, and it comes all the way from Germany. This is Oona and her friend Silke. I met Oona in Charlotte, North Carolina last summer when I decided to visit a friend after camp for a week. Oona and her sister Leia were visiting my friend as well, since Oona was an exchange student with my friend's family. She was a hoot...and claims to have learned everything about Americans from watching Sex and City episodes.
Could you know all that from her photo? No.
But she's awesome.
You could be a part of this too, by emailing me your photos. I'm paranoid to have a direct link to my personal email address, so comment asking for it...or if you know me personally, call me, text me, Facebook me, or Tweet me. I'd be glad to send it to you.
Thanks for your support, friends.
Background: When I was a youngen' in middle school and high school, I barely spoke to anyone. I had a close nit group of friends that I could count on two hands, and I never reached farther than them. I grew up in a very materialistic community where Microsoft offspring felt inclined to tease you based on what you didn't own or didn't wear. I was a victim, and so...I became mute. I felt like because I didn't "fit in," and didn't feel accepted, these people simply didn't deserve to know me at all. So, I rebelled in my own way...by not saying a word to anyone, not even my teachers hardly. I didn't do the right thing though...I judged my peers too. I never got to know them, and maybe would have met some awesome people outside my group of close friends. I'll never know though. Here's my chance though...and yours. I work at an all boys summer camp now in Woodruff, Wisconsin from June to August every year. This will be my third year in 2012, and Josh Boling always said for some reason, "you don't know." It was meant to be funny in his Alabama accent, but I'll always remember it, and have attached my own personal meaning to it. Hence the title.
Here is photo number one, and it comes all the way from Germany. This is Oona and her friend Silke. I met Oona in Charlotte, North Carolina last summer when I decided to visit a friend after camp for a week. Oona and her sister Leia were visiting my friend as well, since Oona was an exchange student with my friend's family. She was a hoot...and claims to have learned everything about Americans from watching Sex and City episodes.
Could you know all that from her photo? No.
But she's awesome.
You could be a part of this too, by emailing me your photos. I'm paranoid to have a direct link to my personal email address, so comment asking for it...or if you know me personally, call me, text me, Facebook me, or Tweet me. I'd be glad to send it to you.
Thanks for your support, friends.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Calm Yourself
I watch you from the internet...like people do sometimes. I don't do it all the time, just at the random times in the month I actually think of you, and what you're up to.
I remember at one point, I told you "I'm a sucker for someone in need." It was a secret I should never have shared. I just hate seeing people in pain.
If anything I wish, from a place of "I do love, but won't love you in person" kinda place in my heart that you aren't complaining 'cause you know my secret. It'd be cheap! It'd also be narcissistic of me. But...yaknow...a girl ponders stuff like that. Romantic shit and all.
Pull yourself together...I have. You can do it, I swear!
I remember at one point, I told you "I'm a sucker for someone in need." It was a secret I should never have shared. I just hate seeing people in pain.
If anything I wish, from a place of "I do love, but won't love you in person" kinda place in my heart that you aren't complaining 'cause you know my secret. It'd be cheap! It'd also be narcissistic of me. But...yaknow...a girl ponders stuff like that. Romantic shit and all.
Pull yourself together...I have. You can do it, I swear!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Mom, My Rock
Today is my Mother's 55th birthday, and I'm planning a surprise party for her since things never stop being hectic and chaotic for any of us...especially for her, since she's always putting out everyone's fires.
She's the hero of our universe, and so...as much as I'd love to make the surprise party Wonder Woman-themed. I'm going with something probably less expensive and with colors not so primary.
Art Deco and peacocks! She'll love it. Pictures to come! Just imagine more jewel tones.
Yes, I was once a Design Major in college...go figure!
She's the hero of our universe, and so...as much as I'd love to make the surprise party Wonder Woman-themed. I'm going with something probably less expensive and with colors not so primary.
Art Deco and peacocks! She'll love it. Pictures to come! Just imagine more jewel tones.
Yes, I was once a Design Major in college...go figure!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Somethings I Don't Get...
So, I'm doing my best to cope with a lot of things right now...and they don't feel like big things (in my head), but really they are!
1. My brother - He seems more accepting of his situation than I am. I can barely understand what's wrong...or why it happened? Whereas he's...back to being himself + filling out paperwork for Psychiatrist appointments and who knows what. I just want to...help, but he acts like he doesn't need it. At the same time though, he has yet to understand how life will become nearly impossible for him once he's no longer covered by my Mother's medical insurance. He has 4 years in counting. I stress for him...while he stays still as a stone. I just want him to see the his fragility, and take certain precautions, but taking care of himself doesn't seem to be a big priority right now.
2. My best friend's Mother is dying of brain tumors. She was given a year and a half to live...and now has till June. Which is going to make leaving for camp all that much harder. I don't even want to contemplate if she'll make it till then or not. I don't like thinking about it, but I do ALL THE TIME! I love him and his family so much. Especially his son!
3. I've got artist block for many reasons. I wonder why...
4. Still haven't figured out a plan for this summer...just way too many ideas to count. I am driving myself to Chicago, but it's technically twice as expensive. I just want adventures every once in a while. I'm hard on myself, and money...and my lack of it makes it easier to beat myself up from time to time.
5. I'm sticking with a job that just doesn't make sense for me...all I know is that it makes me happy. I feel like I'm being selfish, because soon my Dad will take on my student debt because I can't afford it. I can pay rent and buy food (barely). I clean their house twice a week because I like my job, and can't afford the commute. It doesn't seem fair, really. I keep thinking, I have to go back to school somehow...but that just doesn't seem plausible financially anytime soon. It must be nice to be well off financially, rich even. Never worrying about anything. I appreciate the struggle and don't want for anything. Just the things that will make me a better person in the long run. It's just hard sometimes.
6. Not being able to see my best friend in the world, Alli Doyle. She will always be my rock of all rocks. I cry sometimes because I haven't seen her in a year. I write her letters though, and god knows I love a good love letter from time to time.
Okay, I'm done now...I'll save the love life bitching for myself, lol.
Humor is the key in all. Love too. I love myself, that's a plus. I know that I have a decent number of irreplaceable friends too. I appreciate all that they do for me! Really, I do.
1. My brother - He seems more accepting of his situation than I am. I can barely understand what's wrong...or why it happened? Whereas he's...back to being himself + filling out paperwork for Psychiatrist appointments and who knows what. I just want to...help, but he acts like he doesn't need it. At the same time though, he has yet to understand how life will become nearly impossible for him once he's no longer covered by my Mother's medical insurance. He has 4 years in counting. I stress for him...while he stays still as a stone. I just want him to see the his fragility, and take certain precautions, but taking care of himself doesn't seem to be a big priority right now.
2. My best friend's Mother is dying of brain tumors. She was given a year and a half to live...and now has till June. Which is going to make leaving for camp all that much harder. I don't even want to contemplate if she'll make it till then or not. I don't like thinking about it, but I do ALL THE TIME! I love him and his family so much. Especially his son!
3. I've got artist block for many reasons. I wonder why...
4. Still haven't figured out a plan for this summer...just way too many ideas to count. I am driving myself to Chicago, but it's technically twice as expensive. I just want adventures every once in a while. I'm hard on myself, and money...and my lack of it makes it easier to beat myself up from time to time.
5. I'm sticking with a job that just doesn't make sense for me...all I know is that it makes me happy. I feel like I'm being selfish, because soon my Dad will take on my student debt because I can't afford it. I can pay rent and buy food (barely). I clean their house twice a week because I like my job, and can't afford the commute. It doesn't seem fair, really. I keep thinking, I have to go back to school somehow...but that just doesn't seem plausible financially anytime soon. It must be nice to be well off financially, rich even. Never worrying about anything. I appreciate the struggle and don't want for anything. Just the things that will make me a better person in the long run. It's just hard sometimes.
6. Not being able to see my best friend in the world, Alli Doyle. She will always be my rock of all rocks. I cry sometimes because I haven't seen her in a year. I write her letters though, and god knows I love a good love letter from time to time.
Okay, I'm done now...I'll save the love life bitching for myself, lol.
Humor is the key in all. Love too. I love myself, that's a plus. I know that I have a decent number of irreplaceable friends too. I appreciate all that they do for me! Really, I do.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Into the Wild and Someday, by LP
Okay...so, give this gal a listen, 'cause JEBUS, SHE BE GOOD!
and in case you needed more, like I did...here's another.
Her voice is so haunting...I can't get enough of it, thanks Phil.
and in case you needed more, like I did...here's another.
Her voice is so haunting...I can't get enough of it, thanks Phil.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Snow Day Heart Scabs
Yup...had to go picking. I'm so incredibly good at prying up what's just on the verge of completely gone and healed. Now, I start it all over. I had to ask...open my mouth, or in our case, text message tin-can mistakeville.
Yeah, you messed up a good thing. I'm glad you think I'm a good thing.
Something inside me won't leave it alone...won't forget, and misses you. It wasn't good though, I was good, but you were never where I wanted you. Not once did you ask me, "so, what's on your mind?" "Tell me how your day is going." "Wanna get a cup of coffee before bed?" 'Cause yes, I drink coffee at the most inopportune moments...for some reason it helps me sleep.
I spent a lot of time keeping my mouth shut, because I knew you didn't care enough to hear it...yet, I was dumb, and kept watch, hoping you would if I looked at you with just the right percentage of come hither in my eye. Dumb! Yes, we were both morons.
Brief moments were fantastic, but pardon me, I tend to romanticize.
You're crazy...colorful, loud, obnoxious, a thrill seeker. I like that about you.
I'm at tracted to men who can't make up their minds. Darlin' drink more coffee, 'cause this is nothing new to you.
I sent a letter to someone who never deserved it...and now I want it back.
I hope our paths cross at least one more time just so I can explain myself. Explain what I went through. You shouldn't hear it though, 'cause it's a snowy day and picking at heart scabs is never a good way to spend a free day from life.
I miss you, nonetheless. That will never change... unfortunately.
Yeah, you messed up a good thing. I'm glad you think I'm a good thing.
Something inside me won't leave it alone...won't forget, and misses you. It wasn't good though, I was good, but you were never where I wanted you. Not once did you ask me, "so, what's on your mind?" "Tell me how your day is going." "Wanna get a cup of coffee before bed?" 'Cause yes, I drink coffee at the most inopportune moments...for some reason it helps me sleep.
I spent a lot of time keeping my mouth shut, because I knew you didn't care enough to hear it...yet, I was dumb, and kept watch, hoping you would if I looked at you with just the right percentage of come hither in my eye. Dumb! Yes, we were both morons.
Brief moments were fantastic, but pardon me, I tend to romanticize.
You're crazy...colorful, loud, obnoxious, a thrill seeker. I like that about you.
I'm at tracted to men who can't make up their minds. Darlin' drink more coffee, 'cause this is nothing new to you.
I sent a letter to someone who never deserved it...and now I want it back.
I hope our paths cross at least one more time just so I can explain myself. Explain what I went through. You shouldn't hear it though, 'cause it's a snowy day and picking at heart scabs is never a good way to spend a free day from life.
I miss you, nonetheless. That will never change... unfortunately.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Summer 2012
This is happening! Any takers? Picking up the Brit, Lawrence, Gift of the Gab, in Chicago, and then off to camp!!! Should be pretty epic!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Florence and Siblings Out of Tune
I love my brother, but I don't love the challenges he faces. I love his laugh, but I don't love how everything is some unfashionable extreme of a feeling. One thing goes his way, and he's on cloud 9 for a day. The next day, he could be anywhere from a crushing low to bubbly. How did we not see this? How could he not tell me? I just want him to understand, so that I can understand, and we both could move on smiling and hanging out like we don't seem to do.
You scared me, there. I don't want you to be put on pills for depression...but maybe, maybe, it's necessary.
I always joked and pointed out the irony of a child planned having so many clinical problems to be medicated for...and I the oldest and "happy accident" has nothing but a nickle allergy and sensitive skin.
I'd gladly take it all away from you. Feel my happiness...and use it as an excuse to try something new for a change.
I love you...please don't slip down that hole. I guess I physically can't stop you. It will inevitably happen again...and it may not be a bad thing for both of us to prepare for it.
I love you, nonetheless. It's not the end....EVER!!! Because I love you.
...butthead.
You scared me, there. I don't want you to be put on pills for depression...but maybe, maybe, it's necessary.
I always joked and pointed out the irony of a child planned having so many clinical problems to be medicated for...and I the oldest and "happy accident" has nothing but a nickle allergy and sensitive skin.
I'd gladly take it all away from you. Feel my happiness...and use it as an excuse to try something new for a change.
I love you...please don't slip down that hole. I guess I physically can't stop you. It will inevitably happen again...and it may not be a bad thing for both of us to prepare for it.
I love you, nonetheless. It's not the end....EVER!!! Because I love you.
...butthead.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Back from the Motherland
Whoa! I'm extremely exhausted. It's Saturday, and I returned from my two and a half week trip to England at 10pm on Thursday, January 5th. I had an extremely wonderful time...and I really didn't want to leave. I'd go back in a heartbeat...if I had endless funds that is.
In case you were wondering, here's one of my favorite photos from my trip. It's the Sanctuary Knocker from Durham Cathedral. One of the many historical finds that took my breath away.
In case you were wondering, here's one of my favorite photos from my trip. It's the Sanctuary Knocker from Durham Cathedral. One of the many historical finds that took my breath away.
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