Somethings I Don't Get...

So, I'm doing my best to cope with a lot of things right now...and they don't feel like big things (in my head), but really they are!

1. My brother - He seems more accepting of his situation than I am. I can barely understand what's wrong...or why it happened? Whereas he's...back to being himself + filling out paperwork for Psychiatrist appointments and who knows what. I just want to...help, but he acts like he doesn't need it. At the same time though, he has yet to understand how life will become nearly impossible for him once he's no longer covered by my Mother's medical insurance. He has 4 years in counting. I stress for him...while he stays still as a stone. I just want him to see the his fragility, and take certain precautions, but taking care of himself doesn't seem to be a big priority right now.

2. My best friend's Mother is dying of brain tumors. She was given a year and a half to live...and now has till June. Which is going to make leaving for camp all that much harder. I don't even want to contemplate if she'll make it till then or not. I don't like thinking about it, but I do ALL THE TIME! I love him and his family so much. Especially his son!

3. I've got artist block for many reasons. I wonder why...

4. Still haven't figured out a plan for this summer...just way too many ideas to count. I am driving myself to Chicago, but it's technically twice as expensive. I just want adventures every once in a while. I'm hard on myself, and money...and my lack of it makes it easier to beat myself up from time to time.

5. I'm sticking with a job that just doesn't make sense for me...all I know is that it makes me happy. I feel like I'm being selfish, because soon my Dad will take on my student debt because I can't afford it. I can pay rent and buy food (barely). I clean their house twice a week because I like my job, and can't afford the commute. It doesn't seem fair, really. I keep thinking, I have to go back to school somehow...but that just doesn't seem plausible financially anytime soon. It must be nice to be well off financially, rich even. Never worrying about anything. I appreciate the struggle and don't want for anything. Just the things that will make me a better person in the long run. It's just hard sometimes.

6. Not being able to see my best friend in the world, Alli Doyle. She will always be my rock of all rocks. I cry sometimes because I haven't seen her in a year. I write her letters though, and god knows I love a good love letter from time to time.

Okay, I'm done now...I'll save the love life bitching for myself, lol.

Humor is the key in all. Love too. I love myself, that's a plus. I know that I have a decent number of irreplaceable friends too. I appreciate all that they do for me! Really, I do.