Selfishly Wishing to Hop Ponds,

I've been temp Nannying for a family in Bellevue for the last week and a half...and my heart goes out to them hardcore.

They're moving to London for Mom's new job opportunity through Microsoft. I think Dad had mentioned that he'd be a stay at home dad for a while, and I can tell he's scared shitless about so many things. I give him props though; in a marriage, that takes a ton of devotion, trust, and love to do what he's willing to put his family through. I'm jealous; I loved England so much, and I hope his family loves it too.

He has three wonderful children, and they all drive him completely mad.

I'm jealous of a family like that, love oozing out of the floor boards. You know frustration like that just comes from having children with large personalities, and hearts the size of the house they live in. They live the good life.

Dad picked up his youngest from the hotel room last night, and admitted to me he couldn't find all the passports!

Whoa...buddy! If I could gift you your peace of mind back, I so would!

Good luck in London, White family! Take it by storm, and if the locals give you crap for your Amurrican accents...just tell 'em: "Eff you, we're Canadian!"

It's been a fun week, and certainly heart-warming.

I love my job...sometimes it's just hard saying good-bye to some kids.

"What Does it Take to be Lonesome?"

I have the day off, on this fine Wednesday, October the 17th. I didn't get dressed till noonish, I watched Boy Meets World and Buffy for part of the day, whilst doodling and making fine pieces of Postal Art on my couch. I have a cuddly pooch fighting for my affections, and he doesn't know this yet...but, Sir Brody, you'll get to walk me down the marsh today. I have kept track of time passing by counting the number of coffee cups I've dranken...and coincidentally the number of times I've had to pee already (feels like a couple times each hour, I swear). It's a hard knock life, but someone's got to enjoy today; I won't complain that it's me for once.



I'm loving harmonizing to these guys!

*pause*

Gotta pee again! Excuse me.

Diabetes Doesn't Suck, My Brother Does

It's been ten years since he was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes...and he's not proven that he's been in control from the get-go.

Why do I get the feeling that it's gonna have to take kidney failure to make him see the error of his ways?

He makes me so mad...and it gets harder to love him every day.

It's weird when you have to tell your own Brother, "I don't know if I can believe your excuses anymore." I may have sounded really calm, but my lower eye-lids felt like they weighed about a ton each.

I'm moving out because of him, and I'm glad he knows.

Pride

My own pride is eating me alive.

I will make my future with my hands, even if it means having no chance in hell.

I'm all talk and no action, but that ends now.

Run with the fear, run with the chance, and accept the hell.

What else is there to do?

Love you all.

~Heather

Uh Oh...Those Crazy Vikings

I don't want to work to prove myself to anyone.

I want to work, in the sense, that I can always play and learn more about who I am...and how humanity ticks.

I want to break bridges, set fire to the routine, and walk through oceans of paint, paper, envelopes, and fine-tipped markers forever.

I want to put an end to the hate, blame, and denial.

Who am I?

What am I addicted to?

Hello, everyone. I stand before you today...

*ahem*

I mean...to say...

My name is Heather, and...

I'm an artist.

Not the Killing Type

I'm struggling, man!

I need a job, a different location, and I need it soon, or I'm going to blow a gasket.

I have a close friend who's looking to move with me...but I'm worried that we're just in two different financial upbringings to make it work out.

This move would be all financial ties cut, which I want...trust me, kids, my heart longs for it more than anything. Right next to that need to eat, breath, and sleep on a regular basis.

Ya never know what words could bring me to tears, inappropriately loud laughter, or a painful numbing silence for hours.

I'm all outa wack...that's for damb sure! I love Amanda Palmer though, and wish I had her bravery to just live off of the riches from my handmade creations, made with love and from the heart.

The bleeding is a little trippy though...

Don't worry, I won't kill anyone...yet.

Concerned

I have never felt like this before...and it's a little frightening.

I know camp always leads to a struggle for adjustment whenever it's time to go back home, but...I've never struggled to adjust this much.

My train of thought is so scattered, and as much as I know staying here wouldn't make me happy...I just crave some resemblance of a rhythm or "groove."

It's not even Winter.

I'm concerned for my career (whichever one I choose), I'm concerned for my future, and at this point...my wellbeeing.

I'm scared shitless.

I need help...and I'm too afraid to ask for it.