I'm nervous...
what if everything I want is simply coming too easy.
I did the happy dance, did the talk, have yet to do the walk.
I dunno, maybe this is just all too good to be true.
I want to, but I couldn't trust a good thing...if my life depended on it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Analyze This One, Please
So, this dream I had last night...seriously out of nowhere. I should start writing this stuff down more often, and email the proof off to comic book writers. Wouldn't that be fun to read what I think in my sleep. It'd be the coolest deja vu ever.
OKAY! So...
I'm some kind of secret departmental government suit...pencil skirt, heels, red lipstick, smoke breaks, hair pulled back as tight as it goes; the whole works.
I would like to think my official job title was something along the lines as Field Agent for the Assessment of Individuals with Unique Abilities...but there's got to be a cooler way of saying that. Suggestions wanted!
My current assignment was interviewing/assessing/categorizing the abilities of an individual by the name, Tye Allen Grims. All I was told by my supervisor was that I may want to wear ear plugs while interviewing him, and have a marquee telling me what his answers were following my questions. But I'm not one to cause a fuss, so I didn't see the point in potentially making Grims uncomfortable, and demanding things from the Special Equipment's Department. So, I went in ignoring his suggestions.
I went through a list of basic questions: "How would you describe your abilities?" "Have you had them since birth?" "Are you a citizen of the United States?" "Is your presence here legal?" "Can you prove it?" "Date of birth..." Yeah, that shit.
Before I knew it, he wasn't actually answering any of my questions by speaking...but I just seemed to know the answers seconds after the words left my mouth. So, I categorized his abilities as telepathic.
He "told" me that his abilities were fully realized after the "accident" when he was 7...but halfway through inquiring about the accident...my head started throbbing and I began to hear music in my head. Something along the lines of "another version of the truth: kronos & enrique gonzalez müller" off of Nine Inch Nails' album, Y34RZ3R0R3M1X3D.
I felt like I was dying of a migraine, and then the flashbacks started spiraling in...layered on top of one another, and like bullet trains colliding the temples. Everything I was seeing felt against my will, but pleasant, like I was being taken on a tour...but still incredibly painful. I wanted it to stop, and could tell I was crying...and screaming, but just wanted to know what would be shown next.
I don't remember much of the flashbacks, mainly flashes of color and peoples' faces...but I remember specifically that I had been shown meeting all of the Trippers for the first time last summer. Ian's pleasant hug, Kathy's smile at the airport, Dan's firm yet endearing handshake despite his height, Greg's disinterest in me completely, and Craig's hug practically lifting me off the ground. I had no idea why they came one after another...but the last image surprised me because I knew instantly it hadn't happened yet. It was something in the future.
It was you...standing at the foot of the Chalet "death stairs" with your hands in your pockets, silently waiting with a small smile forming. I was in the bedroom on the left...about to cross into the bathroom, until I realized someone standing there. I turned, smiled, and got down the steps as fast as I could...completely jumping off of the third to last step. You barely caught me, managing to keep your balance.
Then, I came to...releasing the tension in my fingers, to find the finger nail marks I left in my forehead.
Grims stood up from his chair across the table...and simply said (with his mouth this time), "I'm sorry, but I had no way else to describe it...show you. (pause) Unfortunately, I've shared "my abilities" by showing you...and the headaches get worse from here on out. So, you probably won't be strong enough to jump as you saw...and we haven't invented pain meds strong enough yet. Feel free to have me exterminated...I pray for it every day."
Then, I started crying...
And woke up, feeling...rather CONFUSED.
Talk about STRANGE, right?
I still don't know what his "accident" was at age 7, and that's the only part that bothers me. WEIRD!
I'm guessing it's a mix of impatience, excitement, and all the plots stored in my brain from my comic book fad back in college.
OKAY! So...
I'm some kind of secret departmental government suit...pencil skirt, heels, red lipstick, smoke breaks, hair pulled back as tight as it goes; the whole works.
I would like to think my official job title was something along the lines as Field Agent for the Assessment of Individuals with Unique Abilities...but there's got to be a cooler way of saying that. Suggestions wanted!
My current assignment was interviewing/assessing/categorizing the abilities of an individual by the name, Tye Allen Grims. All I was told by my supervisor was that I may want to wear ear plugs while interviewing him, and have a marquee telling me what his answers were following my questions. But I'm not one to cause a fuss, so I didn't see the point in potentially making Grims uncomfortable, and demanding things from the Special Equipment's Department. So, I went in ignoring his suggestions.
I went through a list of basic questions: "How would you describe your abilities?" "Have you had them since birth?" "Are you a citizen of the United States?" "Is your presence here legal?" "Can you prove it?" "Date of birth..." Yeah, that shit.
Before I knew it, he wasn't actually answering any of my questions by speaking...but I just seemed to know the answers seconds after the words left my mouth. So, I categorized his abilities as telepathic.
He "told" me that his abilities were fully realized after the "accident" when he was 7...but halfway through inquiring about the accident...my head started throbbing and I began to hear music in my head. Something along the lines of "another version of the truth: kronos & enrique gonzalez müller" off of Nine Inch Nails' album, Y34RZ3R0R3M1X3D.
I felt like I was dying of a migraine, and then the flashbacks started spiraling in...layered on top of one another, and like bullet trains colliding the temples. Everything I was seeing felt against my will, but pleasant, like I was being taken on a tour...but still incredibly painful. I wanted it to stop, and could tell I was crying...and screaming, but just wanted to know what would be shown next.
I don't remember much of the flashbacks, mainly flashes of color and peoples' faces...but I remember specifically that I had been shown meeting all of the Trippers for the first time last summer. Ian's pleasant hug, Kathy's smile at the airport, Dan's firm yet endearing handshake despite his height, Greg's disinterest in me completely, and Craig's hug practically lifting me off the ground. I had no idea why they came one after another...but the last image surprised me because I knew instantly it hadn't happened yet. It was something in the future.
It was you...standing at the foot of the Chalet "death stairs" with your hands in your pockets, silently waiting with a small smile forming. I was in the bedroom on the left...about to cross into the bathroom, until I realized someone standing there. I turned, smiled, and got down the steps as fast as I could...completely jumping off of the third to last step. You barely caught me, managing to keep your balance.
Then, I came to...releasing the tension in my fingers, to find the finger nail marks I left in my forehead.
Grims stood up from his chair across the table...and simply said (with his mouth this time), "I'm sorry, but I had no way else to describe it...show you. (pause) Unfortunately, I've shared "my abilities" by showing you...and the headaches get worse from here on out. So, you probably won't be strong enough to jump as you saw...and we haven't invented pain meds strong enough yet. Feel free to have me exterminated...I pray for it every day."
Then, I started crying...
And woke up, feeling...rather CONFUSED.
Talk about STRANGE, right?
I still don't know what his "accident" was at age 7, and that's the only part that bothers me. WEIRD!
I'm guessing it's a mix of impatience, excitement, and all the plots stored in my brain from my comic book fad back in college.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
She Converted
Mom's finally on Facebook.
So strange.
Luckily, I tell her mostly everything...except for midnight bowling stories.
Someone really should take my cell phone away from me at midnight, at least when I'm in the company of friends...and there's weekend adventures going on.
When I sift through texts the next morning, I always feel like I've either sent too many texts in general, and annoyed whoever I've been talking to...or I get down right promiscuous. BAD NEWS!
Yoga, portobello mushroom and eggplant burgers, and arts and crafts are needed as a welcomed remedy for all negative feelings that occur the day after.
So strange.
Luckily, I tell her mostly everything...except for midnight bowling stories.
Someone really should take my cell phone away from me at midnight, at least when I'm in the company of friends...and there's weekend adventures going on.
When I sift through texts the next morning, I always feel like I've either sent too many texts in general, and annoyed whoever I've been talking to...or I get down right promiscuous. BAD NEWS!
Yoga, portobello mushroom and eggplant burgers, and arts and crafts are needed as a welcomed remedy for all negative feelings that occur the day after.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
#PostalArt
So, I have a new amazing hobby.
PostalArt!
Bits and pieces from certain things in my life inspired it, like camps mandatory letter days for the kids, Alli's post-it, and the book I recently bought, "Good Mail Day." I had no idea this shit was so intoxicating.
See, I write a letter...and turn it into art. Whether it's by decorating the envelope, drawing all over the paper I write the letter on, handmake a postcard, or glue garbage from my day to something with no letter at all. It just has to be sent with love.
Then Holly had the brilliant idea to start something artsy, then mail it to someone...have them continue it, and mail it back and forth doing this for however long you want to.
UGH...like a drug!!!
It's the reconnection I needed. Some space from instantaneous internet and text messages I rely on too much. It will teach me patience, maybe ease the wait of these next 3 months.
I leave June 4th, and I'm already building my curriculum and experimenting with projects all day while I'm still unemployed. The unemployment won't last much longer though...but until then! I can send a piece of love on paper to one town at a time.
I love everything right now...except my constant need for cigarettes. That, not so much.
I miss you terribly, Alli. That never changes. I can't wait for you to get my "letter."
Happy Mail Day!
I also have shed my tears for Christchurch, New Zealand. I saw a picture in the newspaper of the family members who found out someone they loved died...and I lost it. I feel overly connected to some things, and all though this event pulled me back down to Earth for an afternoon, I flew straight back in the clouds to enjoy snail mail heaven once more.
PostalArt!
Bits and pieces from certain things in my life inspired it, like camps mandatory letter days for the kids, Alli's post-it, and the book I recently bought, "Good Mail Day." I had no idea this shit was so intoxicating.
See, I write a letter...and turn it into art. Whether it's by decorating the envelope, drawing all over the paper I write the letter on, handmake a postcard, or glue garbage from my day to something with no letter at all. It just has to be sent with love.
Then Holly had the brilliant idea to start something artsy, then mail it to someone...have them continue it, and mail it back and forth doing this for however long you want to.
UGH...like a drug!!!
It's the reconnection I needed. Some space from instantaneous internet and text messages I rely on too much. It will teach me patience, maybe ease the wait of these next 3 months.
I leave June 4th, and I'm already building my curriculum and experimenting with projects all day while I'm still unemployed. The unemployment won't last much longer though...but until then! I can send a piece of love on paper to one town at a time.
I love everything right now...except my constant need for cigarettes. That, not so much.
I miss you terribly, Alli. That never changes. I can't wait for you to get my "letter."
Happy Mail Day!
I also have shed my tears for Christchurch, New Zealand. I saw a picture in the newspaper of the family members who found out someone they loved died...and I lost it. I feel overly connected to some things, and all though this event pulled me back down to Earth for an afternoon, I flew straight back in the clouds to enjoy snail mail heaven once more.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Through the Walls of Fbook
I described my application process to everyone who asked, sharing my frustrations and coexisting patience in full. Comments and postings from the ones I love helped me stay afloat, on top of the many letters I sent across the United States, as opposed to emails. Phone calls instead of texts. Hugs instead of shyness. Drinks for all instead of two's a party.
I shared my interview process as well, hearing from most of the companies I wanted to work for anyways. I always thought the specifically tailored cover letter process + immaculate resume was overkill, but I take that assumption back.
I had two interviews in one week.
February 15th at 1:45pm. I was ten minutes late for my interview with Kinder Care/Champion's Learning Center in Lynwood due to traffic on the 520 bridge.
February 16th at 3pm. I was five minutes late for my interview with the packaging/spin casting department with Privateer Press Inc, due to sheer stupidity.
I got offered the job at Privateer Press on Monday, February 21st, and offered the job at West Hill Elementary on Tuesday, February 22nd (pending the results of my background check).
I accepted the West Hill Elementary Job! I gottttt itttt!
I also screamed like a banshee, jumping like a Mexican jumping bean in my living room for a full minute...then proceeded to text everyone that would care.
Life in abundance! Love for all!
The Temptations are singing "Just My 'Magination," just for me in the back of my brain.
I shared my interview process as well, hearing from most of the companies I wanted to work for anyways. I always thought the specifically tailored cover letter process + immaculate resume was overkill, but I take that assumption back.
I had two interviews in one week.
February 15th at 1:45pm. I was ten minutes late for my interview with Kinder Care/Champion's Learning Center in Lynwood due to traffic on the 520 bridge.
February 16th at 3pm. I was five minutes late for my interview with the packaging/spin casting department with Privateer Press Inc, due to sheer stupidity.
I got offered the job at Privateer Press on Monday, February 21st, and offered the job at West Hill Elementary on Tuesday, February 22nd (pending the results of my background check).
I accepted the West Hill Elementary Job! I gottttt itttt!
I also screamed like a banshee, jumping like a Mexican jumping bean in my living room for a full minute...then proceeded to text everyone that would care.
Life in abundance! Love for all!
The Temptations are singing "Just My 'Magination," just for me in the back of my brain.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Says the Sporty South African
I'm American. I resort to Google Maps far too much. According to Kathy Leverton my IQ is going to plummet. Before you know it, I'll have to own an iPhone just to remember where I live...
Oh dear.
I just wanted to know how far away Auckland was from the epicenter in Churchchrist, South Island!
The sad part is that I didn't even know about the earthquake until about 5pm, 3 hours after the earthquake happened...because Amanda Palmer tweeted about it this afternoon.
I think twitter is an awesome form of communication, and you hear about things as fast as someone can text and hit post. I do fear that the computer/cell phone will scar us for life...eventually.
Oh, instantaneous knowledge...do you have a downside?
I think my love of archaic pen to paper, postage stamps on envelopes balances everything out though. Can't forget human contact either...and I certainly had plenty of that tonight! The Fight Choreographer Don MacEllis Sammann "adores" me, and I adore every Annex Theatre company member that I had the pleasure of working with on "Duel of the Linguist Mages," by the all too awesome and handsome Scotto Moore. And he didn't think it would be a success! Pfffff. Silly man.
Again...an abundance of love for everyone.
Dearest, Alli...in a weeks time, you should be getting something rather interesting in the mail. It leaves Bellevue at 6am in the morning tomorrow, along with the letter I wrote to Zach Olson headed for Spokane, Washington.
Here's hoping I hear back from Northshore School District tomorrow!
Thomas Murdoch and Jems Todd...I sincerely hope that you kiwis are okay, as well as your families! I would prefer falling asleep tonight thinking you were nowhere near Churchchrist, safe in Auckland.
PEACE TO ALL, and take the time to write a letter to someone. I did!
Oh dear.
I just wanted to know how far away Auckland was from the epicenter in Churchchrist, South Island!
The sad part is that I didn't even know about the earthquake until about 5pm, 3 hours after the earthquake happened...because Amanda Palmer tweeted about it this afternoon.
I think twitter is an awesome form of communication, and you hear about things as fast as someone can text and hit post. I do fear that the computer/cell phone will scar us for life...eventually.
Oh, instantaneous knowledge...do you have a downside?
I think my love of archaic pen to paper, postage stamps on envelopes balances everything out though. Can't forget human contact either...and I certainly had plenty of that tonight! The Fight Choreographer Don MacEllis Sammann "adores" me, and I adore every Annex Theatre company member that I had the pleasure of working with on "Duel of the Linguist Mages," by the all too awesome and handsome Scotto Moore. And he didn't think it would be a success! Pfffff. Silly man.
Again...an abundance of love for everyone.
Dearest, Alli...in a weeks time, you should be getting something rather interesting in the mail. It leaves Bellevue at 6am in the morning tomorrow, along with the letter I wrote to Zach Olson headed for Spokane, Washington.
Here's hoping I hear back from Northshore School District tomorrow!
Thomas Murdoch and Jems Todd...I sincerely hope that you kiwis are okay, as well as your families! I would prefer falling asleep tonight thinking you were nowhere near Churchchrist, safe in Auckland.
PEACE TO ALL, and take the time to write a letter to someone. I did!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Where Was This Last Year?
I seem to have this over abundance of love lately...
I guess it's cause I stopped wasting my time hating people, wishing I didn't know them, but smiled politely when they entered the room. Oh goodness, how the negativity consumed my everything.
I've stopped playing, and I'm living for reals this time.
I hug now, instead of wishing I had.
I touch now, instead of keeping my hands in my pockets.
I smile now, even at people I don't know passing by.
I talk on the phone more than I text...sometimes. Maybe 40/60.
I write letters, and even better...get letters back.
I meet new people, and get to work with new people as well. They teach me so much about myself.
I love...everything! Including Molly Moon's honey lavender ice cream, Annex Theatre, my flatulent kitten, and the things I have yet to accomplish with my hands today. Any day from now on.
And I seem to love everyone I meet!
I don't know how this happened...but I feel incredible.
Don't stop. Don't ever stop.
Just don't love me...like that. I'll run, and I have. Don't love me romantically!
I'm not built for it right now, I swear. I don't want to be.
I like just loving me for right now, until I'm ready again...but I don't know when that will be.
I'm sorry, but it just seems to make ripples I don't need.
See the sunshine? It shines...and things grow in this light, and I'm not done growing. I can't slow down just to fall back.
Love will find you again, as I have faith in the sunshine. I will find it again too...maybe even truly for the first time.
I guess it's cause I stopped wasting my time hating people, wishing I didn't know them, but smiled politely when they entered the room. Oh goodness, how the negativity consumed my everything.
I've stopped playing, and I'm living for reals this time.
I hug now, instead of wishing I had.
I touch now, instead of keeping my hands in my pockets.
I smile now, even at people I don't know passing by.
I talk on the phone more than I text...sometimes. Maybe 40/60.
I write letters, and even better...get letters back.
I meet new people, and get to work with new people as well. They teach me so much about myself.
I love...everything! Including Molly Moon's honey lavender ice cream, Annex Theatre, my flatulent kitten, and the things I have yet to accomplish with my hands today. Any day from now on.
And I seem to love everyone I meet!
I don't know how this happened...but I feel incredible.
Don't stop. Don't ever stop.
Just don't love me...like that. I'll run, and I have. Don't love me romantically!
I'm not built for it right now, I swear. I don't want to be.
I like just loving me for right now, until I'm ready again...but I don't know when that will be.
I'm sorry, but it just seems to make ripples I don't need.
See the sunshine? It shines...and things grow in this light, and I'm not done growing. I can't slow down just to fall back.
Love will find you again, as I have faith in the sunshine. I will find it again too...maybe even truly for the first time.
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