Diabetes Doesn't Suck, My Brother Does

It's been ten years since he was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes...and he's not proven that he's been in control from the get-go.

Why do I get the feeling that it's gonna have to take kidney failure to make him see the error of his ways?

He makes me so mad...and it gets harder to love him every day.

It's weird when you have to tell your own Brother, "I don't know if I can believe your excuses anymore." I may have sounded really calm, but my lower eye-lids felt like they weighed about a ton each.

I'm moving out because of him, and I'm glad he knows.

Pride

My own pride is eating me alive.

I will make my future with my hands, even if it means having no chance in hell.

I'm all talk and no action, but that ends now.

Run with the fear, run with the chance, and accept the hell.

What else is there to do?

Love you all.

~Heather

Uh Oh...Those Crazy Vikings

I don't want to work to prove myself to anyone.

I want to work, in the sense, that I can always play and learn more about who I am...and how humanity ticks.

I want to break bridges, set fire to the routine, and walk through oceans of paint, paper, envelopes, and fine-tipped markers forever.

I want to put an end to the hate, blame, and denial.

Who am I?

What am I addicted to?

Hello, everyone. I stand before you today...

*ahem*

I mean...to say...

My name is Heather, and...

I'm an artist.

Not the Killing Type

I'm struggling, man!

I need a job, a different location, and I need it soon, or I'm going to blow a gasket.

I have a close friend who's looking to move with me...but I'm worried that we're just in two different financial upbringings to make it work out.

This move would be all financial ties cut, which I want...trust me, kids, my heart longs for it more than anything. Right next to that need to eat, breath, and sleep on a regular basis.

Ya never know what words could bring me to tears, inappropriately loud laughter, or a painful numbing silence for hours.

I'm all outa wack...that's for damb sure! I love Amanda Palmer though, and wish I had her bravery to just live off of the riches from my handmade creations, made with love and from the heart.

The bleeding is a little trippy though...

Don't worry, I won't kill anyone...yet.

Concerned

I have never felt like this before...and it's a little frightening.

I know camp always leads to a struggle for adjustment whenever it's time to go back home, but...I've never struggled to adjust this much.

My train of thought is so scattered, and as much as I know staying here wouldn't make me happy...I just crave some resemblance of a rhythm or "groove."

It's not even Winter.

I'm concerned for my career (whichever one I choose), I'm concerned for my future, and at this point...my wellbeeing.

I'm scared shitless.

I need help...and I'm too afraid to ask for it.

They'll Understand...I hope

I haven't been happy here for a long time. At home, in my home state I mean.

I've had plenty of fun times, but I wasn't sad to leave, and I'm not happy to be back. My career path is going down the drain, and the prospects aren't pleasant.

I come home from work to my old room that I had in childhood to college...and I just think every moment of every day, I don't belong here.

You're making $20 an hour at Amazon, you're making $30 an hour at Century Link, your getting married, starting a family, and I'm standing still.

I watch my Father and Brother stress themselves out and make poor decisions, and I can't say anything, because I'm not in a place to preach, nor are they in a place to listen. I look to the right of my brother's keyboard on the computer on his desk (my desk)...and I see the words, "Heavenly Father, thou has prepared things for us that we can have if only we believe. May we come to thee in our weakness and ask."

I don't know him anymore, and it makes me so mad. I'm not religious, and I don't know what traumatic thing happened to him to make him so in a matter of months. He's baptized, and I'm high-tailing it out of here.

I drank a lot to cope with how unhappy I was, watching the debt accumulate, watching my friends become more superficial by the hour, only caring for what they wore or how much money they made, continue to make.

I'd settle for happiness. Making a difference. I really don't want to plan my life around 2 months out of the year...and I don't think I can go back there either.

It's quite ironic how vague I can be in my blog posts, when really I'm terrified of the unknown.

I cope by speaking in riddles? Great.

I'm happy alone for once, so at least there's that. I don't need a partner in any of this, maybe just a partner in crime, but not a romance.

I'm really quite incapable at that right now.

I love live, and I can't stay put here. I need to make a name for myself, and need the freedom to do it completely away from where it's too easy to be lazy and timid.

They say home is where the heart is, and that may be true, but home is not where my heart craves to be. Home is where my freedom lies, and freedom is where only my own feet can take me.

"May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on, carry on."

Summer Souls Burn On

"You could love me or not, but either way I gotta wake up to face another day tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning, what will the world bring?"


Talk about an dangerously hectic summer!

Yes, my friends, I've returned home safely...but just barely! After a teary-eyed good-bye to so many people I love and got to know so well, my head's back in the clouds and my heart is longing to be in about 12 different locations at once. Camp is one of those gut-wrenching phenominas. Shall we see each other again? Shall we laugh and drink like that someday? Or shall we just remember each other forever? What will the world bring, indeed.

My fondest memories will be of dark nights spent in the haven, and long dangerously wild nights at dive bars in Minocqua, Wisconsin. I'll remember these faces, and will gladly let them haunt me for the next few months. Before you know it...life will get crazy hectic again with work and the real world. Say it ain't so!

Just remember:

"We work with children, because we ARE children!" -Wausau 2012

Let's never grow up, together!

Till we meet again, Wisconsin.